tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34576223356006296842024-02-20T17:50:13.432-08:00A Submissive's MusingsMariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-90730451050035353622013-03-30T22:17:00.003-07:002013-03-30T22:17:52.660-07:00My New HomeHere it is...my new blog. It's still a work in progress. Been through a lot lately. Wasn't able to do everything I wanted on the site yet, but it's a start. I put a few of my most popular posts from this blog on there for you all to enjoy. I will now post all future blogs on this new site. I hope you all enjoy! Thank you again for reading. <br />
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Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-9717910940261698032013-03-08T18:35:00.000-08:002013-03-08T18:35:29.957-08:00Thank You AllI know it's been a while since I posted. But quite a few things have happened in my life recently. I got really busy- had to serve as a juror on a trial! That put me so behind that for the next two months I had to play catch up with not only work but life in general. I was amazed to find out how much I actually do on a day to day basis. It wasn't until all my responsibilities were put on hold so I could go into court daily that I realized I am a busy lady with many challenges. Sure, I had to put things on hold- but that doesn't mean life stops when things get overwhelming. Time keeps ticking and things pile up. I'm finally getting back into the groove :) <br />
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Then I met some new interesting people that made me question everything I've been doing in my life the past 5 years. It kind of forced me to look at my life and figure out what it is I really want. I'm happy to say that I now know for sure what would make me happy in life. <br />
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This past week I had a little health scare. Nothing major. But it made me realize that I'm not Superwoman and I need to slow down. But I'm still here and I'm still working on my new site! I wanted to have a few posts on my site before I shared with you all but that is not going to happen. But this weekend I will post the link to my new site on here so you can all check it out. I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently. Thank you for all the kind, wonderful e-mails I've received lately. They keep me going. It's nice to know I have an actual audience out there that is interested, gets what I am saying and that I can help. I love to hear about all of you who are just starting out and exploring. It's lovely to know that my words have been encouraging and helpful. I hope they continue to be :) <br />
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Let me go and write at least one post before I open my new blog up for you all. I'll be back soon. Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-72021364300980157242013-01-09T18:08:00.000-08:002013-01-09T18:08:48.320-08:00A New HomeWhen I first started my blog, I had no idea people would even be interested in my writing. I just saw it as a journal. A way to get my feelings out on paper so I could sort through them. I started blogging as a way to get advice from fellow kinksters. I thought if I put my experiences out there and asked questions, I was more likely to get answers than if I kept my writing hidden in a journal in my nightstand. So I started my blog! It wasn't until later that I realized my blog was being used as a learning tool for some. That wasn't my intention at ALL when I started! <a name='more'></a><br />
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When I started exploring BDSM, I did so much research online. Well, as much as I could. The only options out there are Wikipedia and a few sites that go over terminology. Wikidepia is really not a tool you want to use for just anything lol. Who knows what is true and what isn't on there! It's great that there are sites out there that teach you about the terminology, but I wanted more. I wanted to know about being a submissive. I wanted to hear others opinions and experiences. That is a hard thing to find online. The only blogs I found were of slaves, or about 24/7 relationships. That is completely different from how I and a lot express ourselves in this so called "lifestyle". So I decided that I could use my blog as a teaching tool. By sharing my experiences and knowledge of what I have learned, I help others learn. Over the past few months, my audience has skyrocketed! I have a feeling it has something to do with a certain book :) more on that book later. Either way- I'm happy I am getting the word out there about BDSM. I feel I am doing my part, no matter how small it is, to get the word out there about what BDSM TRULY is. I'm very lucky to have all of you who are interested :) <br />
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Now that my blog has become a little more popular- I have decided....I need a new home. I need my own website. So I am happy to say that I am working on my very own website as we speak. I'll post the link on here once I have it up and running. I am working on some new ideas for my site as well. I want my readers to be involved. I don't just want to sit and preach about BDSM- I'm not all knowing! This blog is just as much yours as it is mine now. You all have kept it going. So I have come up with a few ideas that will help my readers become more involved. That way you can put in your two cents and not have to have a blog of your own. You can write anonymously and get your opinions and questions out in the open. Here are some of the new features I will have on my blog.<br />
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<u>Toyland</u><br />
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Over the past few months, I've acquired quite a collection of toys. No I'm not talking Lego's and Barbie people! I'm talking adult toys. Dildos, plugs, vibrators, restraints. TOYS!!! A few years back I wasn't that into toys. I didn't see the draw. I'd tried a few and was not impressed. Then a friend introduced me to basically...the best of the best. Now I'm hooked! I started thinking, you know- what's a sex/BDSM blog without reviews? Especially when I have done so much research! I know my toys now. I went online and read every review possible before buying each toy I have. Let's just say some of them are not the cheapest. I wanted to make sure I was spending my money on something incredible. Every single one in my collection is fucking fantastic! So I want to share with you all. I want you to know what is out there and what is actually worth the money. <br />
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Once a month I will choose a toy from my collection and I will write a review on it. When I run out of toys.....guess I just have to go back to the store and buy more, huh ;) If any of you have suggestions- tell me!! I'd be happy to test them myself and write ALL about it. On my new blog look for the title Toyland for my reviews on toys. <br />
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<u>50 Shades Unraveled</u><br />
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We've all heard of the horrendous monstrosity some call a book- Fifty Shades of Grey. If you haven't you are truly out of touch! It's everywhere! I avoided reading this book for a looooong time. I was not going to give into the whole hype. I hate reading books just because they happen to be popular. Especially when it has something to do with BDSM. I heard from fellow kinksters that it was horrible and gave a bad name to the community. Others said it wasn't so bad. Some said it wasn't realistic. Some were happy that the word was out there about BDSM no matter how kinksters were portrayed in the book. I still held out on reading it. <br />
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About four months ago I get an e-mail from a television station regarding my blog! WHAT!! I know- I was in shock. I thought it was a total joke. Come to find out they were doing a show about submissive women because of all the interest in the books Fifty Shades. They wanted to interview submissive women in the lifestyle and get the real scoop. They enjoyed my blog and thought I would be the perfect person to interview. At first I didn't want to do it solely because they were contacting me regarding some fictional portrayal of a D/s relationship. I hadn't read it but I felt very protective of my community. I thought "oh, NOW people are interested?! NOW it's OK to talk about?" But then I realized that it was my opportunity to show them what D/s is truly about. I wanted to show these vanilla folk that it isn't as horrid as they believe it to be. <br />
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I agreed to a phone interview. I went into the interview not knowing anything about the book. I wish I had read it before the interview. I would have had a LOT more to say about the differences between reality and this god forsaken book. Finally I decided to read the book. I figured if I was going to start writing reviews on my site, I'd better read the book that has probably made my blog so popular the past couple months. I know people are interested in it. So I bit the bullet and began to read the book. Oh. My. God. Needless to say I'm not only writing a review on the book- I'm devoting an entire section to my blog! I have quite a few HUGE problems with these books. I feel I have to set the record straight on a few things. So I will be writing a few posts on the books. I'm not sure how many at this point....I have yet to finish the book. I may find other issues I want to bring up. But for now I have two major issues- so I will be doing at least two posts on Fifty Shades. I will call it Fifty Shades Unraveled. <br />
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<u>Ask an Ethical Slut</u><br />
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Dom problems? Sub issues? Poly drama? Swinging 101? You have questions, ask me and I'll do my best to give you helpful advice. A lot of my readers e-mail me asking questions about where they can find info regarding something. Some even message me asking for advice. I don't know why, but in life people have always come to me and apparently feel they can be open and honest without being judged. I mean my advice is no better than any one else's! But I will try my best :) I figured, why not answer some of those questions publicly on my blog? I'm sure others out there may have the same questions or concerns you might have. So I encourage you all to e-mail me with any questions you may have, or topics you think might be interesting for me to cover. Anything! Well, anything that pertains to D/s, polyamory, relationships and swinging. I think that covers it all :p <br />
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Think of me as a kinky Dear Abby :) I know a lot of you out there are new to this and honestly don't have anyone to talk to about issues when it comes to D/s or are just too afraid to ask because you might feel embarrassed. So why not e-mail me anonymously if you prefer and I will do my best to answer your questions or help you with concerns. I will choose one a month or so that I feel might be something others would be interested in hearing about and post my answer on the blog. If you do not want your question posted but do have something you would like to ask, just let me know in the e-mail. I will respect your wishes. I also would like to encourage all my readers to comment on posts. Again, I'm not all knowing- some of you may have more experience in an area than me and can better answer questions. You can e-mail me at: <a href="mailto:musingsofmariposa@gmail.com">musingsofmariposa@gmail.com</a> <br />
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Alright! I'm going to go work on my site some more so I can get that baby up and running :) <br />
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<br />Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-47672214555748363782013-01-05T22:48:00.000-08:002013-01-05T22:48:23.826-08:00Who Really Keeps Resolutions?I sure as hell don't. I've never really been big on resolutions. But I do believe in starting each year out fresh. So I chose motivations for the year rather than making resolutions. This year I have three major motivations that I believe will push me to become a better, more rounded individual. Three things that I guess you could say I know are my weaknesses and need to be worked on. So here are my goals, my motivations for the year. <br />
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<u>Take care of myself</u><br />
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I'm very much a people pleaser. I put everyone and their needs before my own without even thinking about it. It's not until I'm completely exhausted that I notice I've given everything I have to everyone else and haven't kept anything for myself. <br />
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I've done it again! After my divorce I vowed I would actually include myself in my priorities. I did for a while but I've slipped back into old habits. I've run myself into the ground. Time to make my own well being a priority again. Besides- how am I to care for others if I'm not in my best shape mentally and physically? It's not possible. If I want to remain the nurturer I am, I need to take care of myself first and foremost. So goals: start working out at least five days a week again, get more sleep and make time to go out and let loose. <br />
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I'm sure it doesn't help matters that I'm my biggest critic. Add to that my list of issues that are here to stay- it makes it nearly impossible to put myself first and continually take care of myself. But I've done it in the past, just have to get back in the habit of it. <br />
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Might as well discuss at least one of my issues. We all have them right? I think I have touched on it in the past, but have never said outright that I suffer from anorexia/bulimia. I have pretty much my entire life. Part of me thinks that maybe if I admit it to everyone I'll feel like it doesn't have such a hold on me. I also suffer from a little social anxiety...so social situations that involve food for me are a huge ordeal. Anorexia/bulimia is like any other "addiction" or "issue". You can have it under control, but it's always there. Just like an alcoholic- they can stop drinking. But if they go out with friends and the friends end up drinking in front of the alcoholic, they may crave a drink. They have to fight the craving. Same with anorexia/bulimia. Except my vice is food. You can't avoid food, we need it to survive. So I have to face my "issue" at least three times a day, everyday for the rest of my life. It's daunting. <br />
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Sometimes I feel food has control of my life. What a silly place to be. But every time I sit down with someone to share a meal it's a struggle. So sometimes I get tired of the anxiety of social situations because of my eating disorder. I become a hermit and avoid people altogether from pure exhaustion. I'm headed in that direction again unfortunately. BUT, if I actually take care of myself- the need to limit or binge on food diminishes. So I have vowed to do the three things I know nip my problem in the bud: routinely exercise, sleep at least 8 hours a night and MAKE myself go out and socialize, face my issues head on and laugh in their faces. Also having friends that can pull me back to reality when I'm having a moment where I feel helpless is a huge help. I'm pretty good at managing on my own, but sometimes I just need someone to slap me in the face and say snap out of it :)<br />
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<u>Communication/Openness</u><br />
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From reading my blog you'd think I'd be great at both of those! But apparently I express myself through writing. In person is another story. I didn't know that about myself! A friend pointed out to me that I'm very hard to read in person. I didn't realize that. I want to be able to express myself in ways people will have no doubt how I feel. That's tough for me though because I'm the type that is so absorbed in trying to figure out the other person and how they feel that apparently I give nothing back. I want to change that. <br />
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I'm honestly one of the most open people you will meet. I'll sit and tell you my whole life story if you're interested. But the reason I hold back and don't give in to my open spirit is honestly my fear of rejection and the belief that my views mean nothing. I've been in more than one relationship where communication was not my partners strong suit, to say the least. I married someone who didn't even care to talk to me, I was ignored. When we did talk, we argued. When we argued he would literally sit there silent, not looking at me and going about his business as if I wasn't even in the room. I'd scream out of frustration "say something! Just one word to show me you care what I'm saying". He never did. So I began to think no one cared about what I had to say so why waste my breath? Now I tend to be a little more introverted than I was in the past. I fall into old habits and just stay silent because I think no one cares to hear my opinion. <br />
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I also worry that I may reveal TOO much if I open up to others. I worry I may scare them away by being too open. So I sit there, composed, not giving anything away. I realized I'm missing out on so many opportunities! Especially with men. I met one man recently that really intrigues me. I realized after certain comments that he had no idea I was interested in him. <em>Are you kidding me?! One touch on my knee with your hand produced sparks! I am so interested!! </em>So interested that I was holding everything in cause I didn't want to come across as the psycho woman that just throws myself at men. Plus, it's the whole swinger thing. I'm new and still don't know the rules lol. I don't want to offend people or come across the wrong way, you know? It's different from dating. You're meeting these people for sex- it's a little different ;) Anyways, I'm working on communication skills and not letting my fear of rejection rule my life. <br />
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<u>Love</u><br />
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This is a new development. Prior, I didn't want to have anything to do with relationships. I didn't want to fall in love and I definitely didn't have any desire to have a boyfriend. But now, if I'm being completely honest....I want it. But I don't let that want rule my actions. I'm not going out in search for a relationship. I like to just let those things happen. So yeah, I may want to be in a relationship...but until I just happen to run into someone I connect with on that level, you're damn right I'm going to have some fun!!!<br />
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I'm not into the dating scene, never have been. I hate the whole meeting for dinner and sitting and trying to think of things to talk about. Followed by the "I'll call you" and then the waiting three days for a phone call. Seriously! I can think of others ways to entertain myself :) So no, I will not be entering the dating scene. Especially now! Can you imagine?! Go out on a dinner date, "So, Mariposa.....what are you looking for in a relationship?" <em>Oh not much. Just a man that is very sexually dominant. Someone that loves the idea of engaging in threesomes and foursomes and gang bangs with friends....if we ever find enough interesting people for it that is. One that is open to the idea of an open relationship and is my best friend as well as the love of my life. </em>Yeah, that would go over well. The vanilla dating scene really would not welcome me. <br />
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I'm stuck trying to find a potential lover in the swinger or BDSM scene. Considering swinging is no strings attached- I wont be finding a relationship that way! Since entering the swinger scene though I've realized that the experiences could be much more enjoyable with a partner in crime. I'd really like to find someone to enjoy it with. But I run into this other problem.....now that I've been in a D/s relationship I know I honestly can't have a long term relationship without it. Trying to find someone who enjoys D/s and swinging! It's nearly impossible. A lot of swingers are not open to the kink thing. That or they have already made up their mind about you before they even meet you because you label yourself "kinky". So as I said, I'm just going to continue having fun and enjoying life. <br />
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Alright enough rambling. Before, I was done with relationships and love. Now, I am actually open to the idea. I'm open to falling completely head over heels in love. Nothing in the world compares to that feeling. I want it in my life. I miss it. But I know what I want in a partner and I wont settle. I've done that once before and it turned out ugly. I wont lower my standards either. If I never find someone to fall in love with, well it just wasn't meant to be. I'm happy either way with my life. I would be happy if I was single for the rest of my life. I'll just need lots of great, sexy, open friends :) Oh wait, I need that anyways. <br />
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There you go! My three motivations this year: health, communication and love. I think they are good motivators, don't you? Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-16674788043050836642012-12-15T21:59:00.000-08:002012-12-15T21:59:07.380-08:00Sub SpaceWe've all heard of that magical head space a sub can experience while in a scene. For me it's so magical, I can't even begin to describe it. But you know Doms! They HAVE to know every detail. Pretty much every Dom I have had the pleasure of submitting to has asked me the same questions, "what does it feel like? How do I get you there? What goes through your mind during that time?" Anyone who has experienced sub space, you know how difficult it is to describe. It's honestly something you truly have to experience to GET it. But I will try my best to put the magic into words. <a name='more'></a><br />
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First off, this is my personal description of sub space. It's something that is unique for every sub. Even unique to every scene. Some subs, in the beginning can't even achieve it or only certain people bring it on. Or it may take an extremely intense scene to get to that place. I was like that in the beginning. When I first entered the BDSM scene I played with many a random Dom. So it's never been something that was spurred on by a specific individual. But it would take a looooong, intense scene for me to get there- if I even did get to that point. But now after some experience I can achieve sub space much faster and sometimes all it takes is a certain phrase or gesture and I'm there. <br />
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I realized sub space for me, is very much contingent upon trust. Since I am much more selective with who I submit to now, I only choose people I have established trust with to play with. So I slip into that head space much easier. Knowing I can trust someone to keep me safe- I'm able to let go completely and just.....be. So first step is trust, second step happens internally. I have to "choose" to be in a submissive role. Kind of like flipping a switch or putting on a new hat. <br />
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I'm sexually submissive. In daily life, I'm a control freak believe it or not. I don't just walk around submissive 24/7. I have a life to live, a family to take care of. I wear a lot of hats. I have my work hat, my school hat, my Mom hat, my head of household hat. If you were to come up to me while I'm wearing any of those hats and say "on your knees, slut"- you would be punched. No, first you would get a response such as "Excuse me!!!" Then if you repeated yourself, you'd be bitch slapped. You don't mess with me when I'm doing my thang! I personally have to think "OK, I'm ready to wear my submissive hat now". <br />
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Alright- step one: trust, step two: decide to be in a submissive role, step three: I have to clear my mind of all distractions and be in the moment and prepare myself mentally to hand over control. You've hear of rituals right? Some Dom's have their subs go through rituals before a scene to prepare. Well, I have my own ritual that I go through I guess. It's something that I've pieced together from Dom's that I've played with. I took out what I don't like and kept the things that work for me. Now it's my individual ritual. <br />
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It doesn't matter who you are. I may be in a relationship with you, or submitted to you a few times, or it may be the first time I am submitting to you- I follow these steps, no matter what. I have to clear my head and stop all the activity. I'm an active person, just like most of us. At any given moment during the day, my mind is going in a million different directions. <em>OK, when I get home I have to study for at least an hour.......Hmmm, what's for dinner?......Oh, I have to finish up laundry.....I LOVE her shoes!! I wonder where she bought them......What am I going to wear when I go out tomorrow?......I'm forgetting something...what am I forgetting?.....Dammit! Have to return tons of e-mails tonight....but first I have to get my notes ready for my meeting.....Christmas shopping! That's a must. </em>Like I said, I wear many hats and I honestly never stop! I'm always on the go. There's no way I could go into a scene with all that on my mind. I have to actually stop and make an effort to clear my head. When I submit, that's my time to escape all the daily hassles. <br />
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Generally I'm given a few moments alone before a scene. I like that. But sometimes I don't have that luxury. I may have a long drive ahead of me and must gather myself before I arrive. Either way I focus on my breathing....if I'm in my car I put on some soothing music and push all those random thoughts away. Then I focus on the task at hand. I mean, I am a very giving person- but you have to be in a specific mindset in order to deal with a little bit of humiliation and objectification. (I said a little....I'm not HUGE on humiliation) I give myself a little pep talk on slutiness :) When I walk into a room as a submissive- I think of myself as pleasure personified! <br />
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Damn that's a lot of work! When I actually see all this written down- I wonder why I go through all the trouble when I can just have sex! Why take all these extra steps? But then I remember what it feels like when I'm in a scene- in that head space. I crave it. I yearn for it and will do anything I can to get there. It's powerful and addicting. It's magic I tell ya! Alright...step one: trust, step two: choose to submit, step three: clear the mind and prepare mentally. Now I'm ready for a scene! That's usually about the time I'm in the first stages of sub space. I'm relaxed and focused. <br />
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One reason I enjoy starting a scene in a certain position, such as kneeling, is because it helps me focus even more on the task at hand and reminds me of my "place". Gets me in the zone. Usually I'm asked to be in a position to where my back is to the door so I can't see when the Dom enters the room. I don't know if they do that as an intimidation factor or what :) But what it does is make me concentrate on them alone. I can't see them- one sense has been taken away which means my others are heightened. I concentrate more on sound and touch. I hear things I wouldn't normally hear- like pacing, fabric rubbing together with each step taken, my breathing, the deafening sound of silence. That is the most nerve wracking thing! The absence of sound. I start to feel eyes on me. I can't hear where my partner is, I don't know where in the room they are....but I FEEL their presence, FEEL their eyes on me. The slightest touch feels like I've been shocked. Every nerve ending is on fire. My senses are on overdrive. <br />
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Anyways, get the idea ;) heightened senses. That's the major thing I feel. That's what happens first. Then because my senses are so heightened, my focus is solely on my partner and what they are doing to me. Everything else melts away and all that exists is that moment. Me, my partner and the sensations I feel. Nothing else matters- it's almost as if time stands still. The only thoughts in my head are how badly I want to touch and be touched. I start thinking about all the ways I can please my partner. Also the need to feel my partners touch becomes unbearable. In some instances speech becomes very hard for me. Which I'm told is very frustrating. I don't know what happens. Of course- that's about the time my partner usually decides to ask me questions! "Where do you want me to touch you most of all right now?" <em>Huh? Did you say something? Are you kidding me?! Everywhere! I don't care where- I just want your hands on my body!</em> So I say something short and sweet- first thing that comes to mind..."everywhere"....."no, not specific enough". <em>Jesus H. Christ! No blood going to my brain right now! What you want specifics? OK- a quarter of an inch below my right breast. COME ON!!! </em>But I think of all the places I want to be touched- <em>pull my hair, I want your hand around my throat, spank me, kiss me, touch my pussy! </em>But I can't form the words- something short circuits in my brain. <br />
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Speech has completely left me. I'm only able to feel. My sense of touch has taken over. At that point, what might usually be painful is pleasurable. The endorphins are flying. Pain mixes with pleasure to become one. Every touch is pleasurable- just different intensities. That's usually the time where I want it to last forever. Time no longer exists. I just want it to go on and on and on and on.........Once all is said and done I feel at total peace. Utterly content. Did I do a good job of explaining? Hopefully I got my point across. <br />
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One last thing to cover....the term "slut". It's no secret that most Dom's use that term. Just as subs address Dom's as Sir or Master in some cases, Dom's address subs as slut or fuckslut or toy....the list goes on and on. Everyone asks me what I feel when I am addressed as "slut". Again, it's hard to explain. If someone were to just call me slut walking down the street, of course I'd have a problem with it! But while I am submitting- it takes on this new meaning. Plus, I see it as a title that I have earned. "WHAT! You've earned the "title" slut!?" Yep...let me explain. My submission is something I only give to those I respect and trust. People that I have opened up to and am willing to please. I don't go into every sexual situation as a submissive. So it's not something that everyone earns. When I think of the term "slut" in a BDSM sense- I think of it as a woman who will do anything to please her Dom. A woman that has pushed past her boundaries. A woman that has mad her Dom proud and content. So if someone chooses to address me as "slut"- I take it as a compliment. <br />
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BUT- I don't just let anyone call me slut. I have to actually BE a slut for you. If I'm not willing to do things for you- you better not call me slut! Or I'll slap you silly. This one is a little bit harder to explain. I think I will have to dedicate a post just to the term slut in the future. Until then, I'll explain it this way. One motto I have is: I'm NOT a slut! OK, but only for you I am. Like I said, I'll go into more detail later. <br />
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Anyways, I hope this post helped explain what goes through my head during a scene since I seem to not be able to talk and give feedback :) Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-39858101289228873292012-12-09T22:15:00.000-08:002012-12-09T22:15:14.000-08:00Amorous
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Amorous:</span></u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> inclined or disposed to love. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love: <o:p></o:p></span></span></u></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>-A profoundly tender, passionate
affection for another person.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- A feeling of warm personal
attachment, or deep affection.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> - Sexual passion or desire.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What! The
woman who is even afraid to admit that she’s capable of feeling emotions is
talking about one of the strongest emotions a human can feel? Yep, I am! I’ve
actually been questioning if I truly am polyamorous. I look at the definition
of poly and I don’t fit it exactly. Then I look at the definition of monogamous
and I don’t fit that either. Which leaves me to wonder……what the hell am I
then?! Damn labels :p</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a name='more'></a><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I always
seem to find writings that speak to me. No, they find me! I’ll start
questioning something and then out of the blue I find something someone has
written and it answers my questions, puts things in perspective. So there I was
questioning what label I fall under when it comes to love….. and I come across
this writing entitled “I’m Amorous”. The writer didn’t consider herself poly
either and wasn’t sure if she was mono. So she ended it saying that she was
“amorous”- not poly or mono. Simply amorous. Which if you look at the
definition of amorous it means you are inclined or disposed to love. When I saw
that I thought- that’s it! I’m amorous! Plain and simple! I am just a loving
person. I feel different forms and intensities for everyone in my life. Then of course that got me thinking- which we all know leads to writing.....and endless research. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now to my point :) I'm a huge history buff and I love language. Did you know that in most other languages there is a word for each type of love we can experience? But in the English language, as you can see above, we only have one which encompasses all types of love. We say "I love you" to a parent, or a child, or a spouse. It's the same exact expression muttered in all those situations.....but do we mean it in the same way with each individual? No, we don't. But as Americans I've found we generally link the word love, to romantic love. No wonder people freak out about the little four letter word! You say it to a friend of the opposite sex and it may start a fight! "Whoa! Wait, um no. We're not going there. We're friends!!" Then you have to explain "I didn't mean it that way! Chill!" It's just a mess. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I figured I'd share a bit of my knowledge- maybe help someone like I was helped when I read that woman's writing. Lets talk a bit about the different types of love. I know what you're thinking "Mariposa, where do you even start? Where do you go to identify these types of love?" Easy....the Greeks! Duh! Everything in history leads to Ancient Greece. It seems like everything in our damn world can be linked to Greece! Then again "Ancient Greece" does cover a 1,300 year timeline. A lot can happen in 1,300 years. But damn! That must have been a happening place. Think about it- our language is based a lot on Greek words. You take any word from the English language and you research back far enough- Greek origin! </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then there's all the philosophers: Socrates, Aristotle, Plato. Sounds like the place to be back in the day! Intelligent, tan men....in togas! Oh, and don't even get me started on the wine! You bet your ass that's where I'd be traveling if I lived then! Sorry, I got my geek of for a minute there. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to the point! According to the Greeks, there are 4 major types of love: eros, storge, philia and agape. "Mariposa, when did this turn into a history blog?" Shut it and learn something! Kidding :p It's all to explain my point, promise. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Eros</span></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also known as romantic or intimate love. The feeling of "being in love". An emotional bond is formed. This is the type of love most of us associate with the word love. It's how we feel towards a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. It also has to do with sexual attraction. But some view these as separate. Obviously we can be sexually attracted to another without "being in love" with them. But sexual attraction does fall under this type of love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Storge</span></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also known as affectionate love or familial love. Such as love for a parent or child. It can also be used in the context of friends. Some "lovers" start off as friends and can't pinpoint the exact time when friendship became "love". Generally the friendship endures even after a breakup because the "love" is based on trust, understanding and fondness- not on sexual attraction and the feeling of "being" in love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Philia</span></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also known as friendship. This form of love is based on joy of another's company and sharing hobbies. It has a lot to do with similarity in personality and interests. Similar hobbies + similar characters= joy and bonding, which equals friendly love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Agape</span></u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also known as unconditional love or love for humankind. This form of love either refers to love of ones fellow man (you know: brotherly love, peace, coexist, one love...Bob Marley....hippies!), or unconditional love. Love that brings forth caring no matter the circumstances. Sacrificial, constant, charitable. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now that I've defined the different types of love, the different shades as I like to call them....I can tell you that I am lucky enough to have experienced all 4 of those types of love at some level. Sometimes I've felt more than one at a time and two hues mixed to make another beautiful shade. I love my family. It's a blend of storge and agape:familial and unconditional love. I've loved my partners- some eros, some storge, some agape. Or eros and storge. Or storge and agape. I've felt the sexual desire of eros without "being in love". I've been "in" love without the sexual desire. I've experienced friendship that turns into love(storge) and remained friends even after the relationship ended because I still value their friendship and their company. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I've loved friends and continue to love friends. I'm the type that makes very close friends. So I can honestly say I love ALL my friends at some level. Whether it be based on fondness or comfort or joy. Speaking of friendly love....wouldn't you know it. The minute I actually open up about my friend J, we have to go our separate ways. It was fun while it lasted. We had a lot in common, but some things you just can't control. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I also happen to be like the biggest hippie ever! Except I shower and wear deodorant. I love mankind! I love you just because you're human! I'm a huge believer of karma. I treat others the way I would like to be treated- with kindness and respect. Have you picked up on the common theme yet? Love. All these things I have experienced are love. Yes, they are at different intensities with completely different factors underlying the love. But they're still love. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to my question: am I polyamorous? Probably not. I tend to only be "romantically" involved with one person at a time only because I believe in focusing my attention on the ones I truly care for. If I were to be romantically involved with more than one, I'd have to split my time up amongst said relationships. But while in a romantic relationship I am then able to love others as say a friend. I'm able to be sexually attracted to more than one person and act on it. But my "heart" really only can be with one person at a time. I can only "be in love" with one because I give my all when I'm in a relationship. So by definition I'm not poly. Just as I am not monogamous. I crave love and friendship and fondness, comfort. I don't think you can get all of that from ONE human being. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone: to be EVERYTHING to someone. I honestly don't think it's possible. Which is why I'm open to the fact of being involved in one way or another with more than one man. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I used to be afraid of the word love. I avoided it like the plague. Like I said, I'm not one that shows emotion. I grew up learning that emotions equal weakness. So to admit to an emotion as strong as love?! Hell no! But then I got divorced. I was at a point where I hated the world and everyone in it. I thought love was this fake emotion that only existed in fairy tales. Then one day I looked at my daughter and it hit me. Love does exist. It's all around us. Family, friends, maybe even strangers. Love is real and I realized that I'm capable of feeling love and receiving love. I even went so far as to have "love knows no bounds" tattooed on my wrist. Somewhere where I can see it throughout the day. It serves asa reminder that love exists. It's true, love knows NO bounds. I continue to find it in the rarest of places. I experience it everyday of my life....at different intensities, different shades.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So to answer my question: by definition I'm not polyamorous. I'm just inclined or disposed to love. Pure and simple: I'm amorous. I love you. Yes you! Oh and you....and you.....you get the point ;)</span></span></div>
Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-73413157968387110822012-11-23T23:00:00.000-08:002012-11-23T23:00:38.363-08:00Trust.....By far the most important thing in a D/s dynamic. Second to that is communication. I figured before getting into the naughty, juicy tidbits about my fun with J- I'd actually discuss the reason behind the naughty fun. The reason that I can let go and do the things I do.<a name='more'></a><br />
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Also, I wanted to talk a little about J and I because I haven't really gone into depth about our "relationship". One of the main reasons I haven't is just that: we aren't in a formal relationship. It's a little difficult for me to talk about a Dom when I'm not involved with them romantically. There are many reasons why we are not in a relationship. I can't discuss those factors on here. But the more people I talk to, they question me about J. I feel like I really have to watch what I say because I don't want things to be taken the wrong way. But also I do tire of the questions when I do mention him because in all honesty, when you share as many things as J and I do- things we either haven't mentioned or tried with anyone else...you become close to a person. A certain affection comes in to play and it can be viewed in a completely different way. So to avoid all the questions of "well, it sounds like you guys really like each other. Why aren't you together?" I just don't talk about it. <br />
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This past weekend I began thinking about it and I had a conversation with J too. I realized that ever since I started worrying about how things might be misconstrued by not only my readers and friends but J as well....I've started to hold back and become touchy. So I say fuck it! Since when have I cared what people think?! I'm going to say what's on my mind as I did before and if it's taken the wrong way, then oh well. I'm tired of holding back things because I'm afraid of my words getting me in trouble. So here we go :)<br />
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Alright, so as I said J and I are not in a formal relationship. Not going into detail why. But one reason: we live a loooooong distance apart. Kind of hard to really form a "relationship" with someone you only see in person a couple times a year. But we do talk on a daily basis. We chat a lot. We are definitely interested in each others lives. Meaning- all our conversations are not centered around sex or D/s. We ask for advice and such. Well, I'm usually the one asking for advice. So I guess you could say we are great friends. Close friends. We just happen to be friends that want to fuck each others brains out! In a kinky way. We share details about others that we are attracted to...which leads to some hot fantasies. <br />
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As for the D/s. We definitely have the whole D/s underlying current going. It's not something that extends in to many facets of my life though. It's mostly sexual. I am given assignments to complete. Most are sexual: such as pictures or contacting certain individuals. But others are not. Some are things that we discuss that in the end if I do what he has told me to...will make me a happier, more rounded individual. Such as: taking a few hours every week for myself. Or promising to workout at the gym because it boosts my confidence. Or taking dance lessons because it is my one passion in life. That's the extent of it. I don't have a long list of rules to follow or ask permission to do things. Any rules that I follow deal with sex. Like, if I meet any fellow swingers and we end up playing- I HAVE to have an orgasm. If my partner gets off, I have to get off. I wouldn't say we ask if it's OK to have other sexual partners. But we definitely share if we plan on having sex with anyone.We are very open when it comes to that because it's actually a turn on for us both. <br />
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Ownership: complicated. J doesn't "own" me. Yeah, I am a sub and I'm obviously very submissive with him. But am I HIS sub? Does he own me? Not really. Well, when he is in my area there is a rule :) He does own my holes...my mouth, my pussy, my ass. But other than that-I'm not "owned". But here's where it gets complicated. I'll be totally honest. I've never submitted at the level that I do with J with anyone else. Some of the things that I want him to do to me- never wanted them before. He gets in my head and drives me insane!!! So for me to sit here and say he doesn't own me seems odd because he sure stars in my fantasies and if anything sexual pops in my head- thoughts of him are sure to follow. I think I can best describe it this way: no he doesn't own me. I'm my own person with my own life. My submissive nature is separate from my day to day life. I'm very sexually submissive. So my submissive side? Oh, he so totally owns that! He pushes me like no other. He gets in my head like no one else ever has. He brings out my inner slut who wants to be ravaged, taken, claimed, owned. So I guess you could say he owns my subbie side for sure. You wont find me submitting to others. Not unless J has anything to do with it.<br />
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I've never had a thing for titles. Addressing someone as Sir always made me giggle a little on the inside. So don't even get me started on the term Master! But there's no other word I can think of to describe the control J has over my sexual, subbie side. He's completely mastered me. So hate to break it to you J lol, but you are Master of the little slut that hides inside me. Yeah- let's hear the conversation on THAT comment! Now getting back to the two things I mentioned at the start of my post. Now that you know a little more about our dynamic I can discuss trust and communication. <br />
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<u><strong>Trust</strong></u><br />
<strong><u></u></strong><br />
I don't think I've ever trusted a person more with my physical and mental well being when it comes to D/s. When we first started talking I was very leery of J. It took a very long time for me to open up. But I think it makes the experience so much more rewarding and enjoyable. If I didn't take as long as I had to open up....I honestly would not be at the point I'm at now- ever! I wouldn't have been able to strip almost completely naked and put on a blindfold the very first time I met J in person. I walked into a hotel room, stripped, put on a blindfold and got on all fours and waited for a man I'd never seen in person before to come violate me. It could have gone horribly wrong! He could have ended up being some rapist! The thought entered my mind more than once, believe me! "Well, why go through with it then, Mariposa?" Two reasons: I'm a bit of a risk taker. I don't believe in letting life pass me by because certain situations are out of my comfort zone. The bigger reason...trust. Before I even set foot in that room I trusted J.<br />
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Trust takes time and faith. I took a lot of time and had a lot of faith and it soooooo paid off and continues to :) All subs out there: please, please, please take the time to get to know your Dom and allow trust to form. If he doesn't want to take the time to earn your trust then he isn't worth it. <br />
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<strong><u>Communication</u></strong><br />
<strong><u></u></strong><br />
I'm actually still working on this one. I'm much better than I used to be, but I still have a ways to go. Growing up I was taught that showing any emotion, whether good or bad was viewed as weakness. So I have a very hard time sharing any emotion...even happiness. Just as with any other relationship, communication is very important when it comes to D/s. Even more so! You'll find yourself in new situations and going through emotions you never have. You have to be able to communicate if something makes you uncomfortable or if you loved it. Here's how I work :) I will tell you outright, no problem if I am uncomfortable with a situation. I'll end it right then and there. But if I am enjoying the situation I completely freeze. I can't form words, I can't think, I barely move. So forget about talking dirty! Or if I'm asked what I want at that moment......I'm fucked! I can form the thought....but it wont come out. (psst, J that's a good way to figure out that I am LOVING it!!! If I'm silent, besides heavy breathing he he, I am in bliss) <br />
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Anyways....You definitely have to be very self aware. With J and I, pretty much all we do is talk because of the distance. So we talk a lot more that a normal Dom/sub would. I think maybe that's why we are able to share our deepest, darkest fantasies. We've talked so much that we could either run out of things to talk about or just keep delving deeper and deeper. We chose the latter. But I'll admit it's a lot of work to keep open communication with a person so far away. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is have another long, involved discussion via chat. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. <br />
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I've come to value J's friendship. You don't find very many people on this planet that you connect with on such a deep level. So I cherish it. I cherish our conversations and our visits. I feel very lucky to have found a friend that I can trust 100% and talk to about anything! Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-19598885589375449602012-11-10T21:02:00.000-08:002012-11-10T21:02:35.741-08:00That Time AgainI don't know what it is, but after spending time with certain people I tend to start thinking about my life and where I'm headed. It's a good thing! I love people that make me think. But at times it makes me realize things about myself that I don't want to admit to :p I got to spend a bit of time with my friend J this week. (details on THAT hot encounter to come in my next post ;) Anyways...J has this way of asking thought prokoving questions. He plants little seeds and they grow. Or I just have an overactive mind! Could be a bit of both. I'm kind of at a point in my life where I need to decide what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life. I've been in this position for about two years now. It's probably time I take control of my life. <a name='more'></a><br />
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For those of you who have followed my blog for a while- you probably guessed by now that Sir and I are no longer together. I'm not going to go into detail about all that. I'll just say that I think we were going in different directions in life. I think we are focused on two different paths and they just wont meet up. I still care for him very much. He will always hold a special place in my heart. So I am sad that we are no longer in contact. We were great friends. I'll be completely honest though.....I've found that I tend to push people away when I feel I am getting too close to them. I've dealt with so many crazy relationships in my life that it scares me when I get close to someone. The word "love" being used scares me to no end. Everytime that word has been uttered- things get bad...fast! So I think I have tried to convince myself that I am happy being alone and enjoy my freedom. Don't get me wrong! I am very independent. I do enjoy my freedom. But it is possible to have freedom in a relationship. I just have yet to find someone who will give me the freedom I want. <br />
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Long story short- yeah I enjoy being single. I enjoy the freedom I have at the moment. But at the same time I crave that closeness you can only get from a relationship. But here's the thing: it's hard enough in life to find someone you are compatible with in the "vanilla" world. Trying to find someone that you connect with on a kink level.....views on monogamy....and attraction? HELL! I don't even know if it's possible! That's a tall order to fill. Oh and we must not forget the whole friendship thing. I'm big on that! I want to "want" to be with the person I am involved with. So that means you need to be my friend as well as my lover. Jesus it's getting even more complicated! And I haven't even mentioned the D/s factor! Yeah- I don't think it's possible to find someone that fits all those needs. At least not someone that isn't already taken. I've come across many of these great men :p they just happen to already be involved! <br />
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Gah! Enough of the relationship crap. Moving on to what I want to do career wise! I'll be 30 this year. It has taken me 10 years to decide that I really do want to pursue psychology. Really?! Mariposa, you couldn't have decided on this a little earlier in life? You know how many years of school you have ahead of you? By the time I get my degree, I'll be ready to retire! OK, so not really. But you'd be surprised how much school changes when you have a child to take care of as well. Why did I have to decide in my 20s to actually live :p More to come later. I have to go sort through my thoughts. Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-16001912164585567682012-10-09T21:52:00.000-07:002012-10-09T21:52:01.211-07:00Sex, M'Kay?I was wrong. I have<em> no</em> problem talking about sex. Rather, I've been in the kink scene so long that the way I talk about sex scares some away. I'm <em>too</em> open! Is there such a thing? Maybe...you tell me :) I recently had dinner with a gentleman that I met on the swinger site I'm on. He was asking about the kinks I'm into because he isn't familiar with BDSM. So I told him that I really enjoy the mental aspects of D/s and I'm not huge on pain. "Oh, so you don't like being choked or having marks left or anything. Nothing extreme?" That's about the time I forgot who I was talking to. I went on to explain, "well I actually do like being choked, lightly. I also like to be spanked and enjoy sitting on a sore ass the next day. I love my neck being bitten and my back scratched while I'm fucked- hard! I like to be held down or restrained and just generally man handled." After my long and involved answer, I look over at my dinner date and his eyes are as big as saucers. I could see the gears turning, he was thinking "WTF have I gotten myself into?!" <em>Oopsie! I forgot you're not kinky. Go ahead, run in fear.</em> <a name='more'></a><br />
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That made me realize that maybe I'm a little too vocal about sex. But I can't help it! Being a single female in the swinger scene is like going into a bakery filled with forbidden pastries! They have a term for single females in the swinger lifestyle. They call us unicorns because we are so rare, some wonder if we even exist. Apparently there are not many single females out there willing to play with couples. Most women in the lifestyle are <em>part</em> of a couple. So being a <em>new</em> single female in the swinger scene.....holy shit!!!! Take cover! I have offers coming at me from every direction. I've only been on this particular site for 2 months and I already have a freakin list of people that want to play. Those are just the ones that interest me. That's not counting all the others that I've turned down! <br />
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To be completely honest, if I wanted to go out every single night with someone new I wouldn't have a problem finding a volunteer to take me out. It wouldn't be just hanging out either! These people pay for dinner and drinks. Book hotel rooms, buy tickets to shows. What?! It's a free loaders dream :p But I'm not the type that expects that type of treatment. I have no problem paying for things. So that part makes me a little uncomfortable. But it is what it is. Even when you go to a party, single females get in free. Couples and single males (if they are allowed) have to pay. Single males are not given the time of day by a lot of swingers, but single females are a treasure. How horrible! One party- single males had to pay $80.00 and couples had to pay $60.00 while single females got in free. FREE!!! They even sent out an e-mail "hey! 2 single females have RSVP'd to the party. Come and join us for some fun!" Fuck!! Two single women at a swinger party filled with couples and males? Run! Run ladies!!! You're going to have a stampede running after you the minute you walk in the door! <br />
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Now that I've explained that, you can better understand how single females are viewed- we're gold! So you can imagine the e-mails I get from people. It's died down a bit, but when I first joined- Jesus Christ! I still get a few a day on average. But not the 10 I used to. So essentially single females call the shots. We are rare and wanted. (Just as I'm writing this I have three people texting me asking me to get together.) We basically pick and choose who we want to meet. A girls dream right? I have to keep my hormones in check! I could get carried away ;) No I'm kidding. Not about getting carried away. I could! I just mean that random encounters don't do anything for me so I'm very picky about who I meet.<br />
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I swear deep down inside me is a raging hormonal, horny teenage boy! I open my inbox and instantly I have a pseudo boner! They're pictures of pecs staring back at me. Biceps, hot asses in pants, gorgeous faces! I'm like a kid in a candy store! "Candy!!!! I want that one and that one and that....fuck it! Just give me one of everything in the store!"<br />
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If that isn't enough- you go into their profiles and you find pics of their cocks! "Lollipop, lollipop oh lolli, lolli, lolli!!! Pop!" It's See's Candy! They have every flavor! Coffee, dulce de leche, chocolate, vanilla....fuck that shit! I don't do vanilla. Whoever said women don't like porn or pics were fucking liars! That's the thing that makes me just want to give in and take a bite! I start thinking <em>it's the best of both worlds! I find this person hot as hell and they think I'm hot. I can fuck them....and I don't have to date them?! I don't have to come home to a house where dirty socks are laying around and argue about random shit that doesn't even mater?! Fuck yeah! Jackpot!!! </em>Then my conscience comes and grabs the little kid in the candy store in my mind and drags her out kicking and screaming- "No! Please!! I want candy! Just one piece!! OK then just a lick!" <br />
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How the hell did I get so off topic? All this talk of cocks...I mean candy has distracted me! Where was I going with all this? Oh yeah! When J, my friend, first told me to join a swinger site I thought he was crazy. Then after I joined and started receiving messages from people, I thought he was <em>really</em> crazy! I thought <em>this is not going to work out. This is not my scene. These people are too casual and besides, I don't even like sex unless kink is involved. Right? </em>The answer? I recently found out- fuck no! I like sex! I like sex just for the sake of sex! Sex, m'kay? Love it! Do I<em> need</em> kink? No. Does it get me off even better that just sex? Hell yes! But I don't <em>need </em>kink. Sex is enjoyable enough as it is. <br />
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There was only one way to test the theory of whether I enjoyed sex without kink. I had to go out and have sex- so I did! I met up with a single male that I had lunch with a few weeks back. I was nervous as hell. I've never met up with someone and my whole purpose behind meeting them is to have sex! Kinda nerve wracking. You walk into the hotel room "hey. We uh, making small talk or do we just go at it like rabbits?" Don't make fun! I don't know how these things work! I'm new :p I'm not sharing the details of what actually happened. I'm keeping that to myself :) But after the deed is done, it's awkward yet again. You get dressed and you don't know what to say. You walk out of the room...on your way to your car. Then the moment comes "ok, I parked that way." You go your separate ways. But before you go you don't know how to say goodbye. <em>Um, do I give you a hug? A kiss? What? You just had your cock inside me, so I'd think a hug is fine. Is there some secret handshake? Or do you do the man hug thing with a butt slap, "good game!" High five? Low five? I'm confused! </em><br />
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After that particular encounter I realized just how much I have to learn about this so called "lifestyle". I enjoyed it but I felt like a complete idiot after! THEN, I wonder <em>ok, well it's just sex. So do I text and just say I had fun? Or do I just leave him alone until I want to meet up again? Or do I check in as if we are friends from time to time? WTF! I need a handbook. </em>For being so simple, this sure is complicated! My nerves got the better of me and I thought that maybe this swinger thing wasn't for me. I mean I had a great time, but I was just so confused. <br />
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Just recently I played with a couple. When I first opened up to the idea of swinging I was not into couples. I didn't want to have to deal with drama or women that were only doing it because their husband was into it. Luckily I ended up playing with the perfect couple! I had met them before. J kinda introduced us to each other. So I was familiar with them. That put me at ease. Again, not sharing details. But after we played, I knew then and there that I had found my place. I was sitting on their bed, naked, drinking wine and eating dinner and I didn't have a care in the world! I've found my people!!! Finally!<br />
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I realized that when I started exploring with BDSM- the reason behind it was that I was looking for sex positive individuals. Yes I happen to love being dominated. But the true reason I branched out and started exploring was because I wanted to find open minded individuals that enjoyed sex as much as I do. I grew up in this conservative family, pushing my desires down because I was told they were evil. But in my mind I've always viewed sexuality as natural and wonderful. I don't think it's something we should have to feel guilty about or hide. Now I can actually be open and be myself. Ive found others like me. I'm enjoying the hell out of myself!! Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-7639810242056874292012-08-18T22:10:00.000-07:002012-08-18T22:10:52.137-07:00Kink Versus SwingingAs I mentioned in my last post- my friend J talked me into joining a swingers site. I honestly wasn't thrilled with it. The label "swinger" to me, just.....I hate it! I don't know why. Come to find out the kink community and swinger community are similar- but the focus is a little different. <a name='more'></a><br />
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I know you're all thinking "well if you hate it so much why did you even join?" I'll tell you why. As you all know, I'm poly. But at the moment I am not looking for a committed relationship. I'm not really the type. Yeah, I've had my share of committed relationships. But I never go into a situation looking for anything long term. I usually look for, well- fuck buddies. I'm the man in the situation usually lol. I say "Alright. I'm going to be honest- I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to have a good time." Some have been just that- a good time. But quite a few have turned into relationships, which in the end.....fizzle out. <br />
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I'm open to having a relationship if I happen to find someone interesting enough. But I'm not the type that's searching for Mr. Right. I'd be happy with being single for the rest of my life. Besides- I could have more that one Mr. Right :) I am poly after all! Anyways- I'm just looking for friends at the moment. I happen to get along better with men. Also, I do have needs. Lets be honest- I love sex! So why not find friends that I can enjoy an evening with....maybe have dinner or a drink and then end the night with some crazy, good sex! Sounds like a perfect evening to me. <br />
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J said a swinger site would probably be my best bet at finding others interested in the same things that I was looking for. I was very wary but figured- what the hell! I'll give it a month. So I signed up for a swinger site. At first my nightmares came true. I got message after message from single men that either gave me their phone number right off the bat and told me to call them to hook up or asked me to meet them....that night! I thought "yep! These people are way too casual for me. I don't do one night stands- so not the place for me." Couples contacted me and it was the same thing! Couples make me nervous. Not only do I have to worry about being attracted to both, then there's the possibility of drama. I don't want to be in a relationship so why get in the middle of someone else's drama when I'm not even in the fucking relationship? No thanks! <br />
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I was losing hope. Finally one day I got a message from a gentleman. His profile caught my eye. He said he would love to meet me. He wasn't pushy- just showed interest. So I messaged him back and basically said "OK, I'll meet you. But don't expect any sex cause I don't just jump into bed with someone the first time I meet them." He wrote back "Whoa! What kind of man do you think I am? I don't do that either. I read your profile and know you are looking for friends. So am I." That eased my mind a bit. Then I started receiving messages from people that had that same attitude: they wanted to make friends and not just hook up with a new person each night. So I felt a little better about the swinger label. <br />
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A few days ago I met a very nice gentleman, a hot one too :) that really eased my mind and actually put everything in perspective for me. If you're reading this you know who you are ;) thank you. I met him for lunch, nervous as hell. For one, I had had the worst morning ever at work! So I was frazzled, probably looked like a total mess in my scrubs. That and I know the underlying factor of our meeting: to see if there is attraction there. Kinda nerve wracking. But very soon I felt comfortable and was able to talk and actually enjoy myself.<br />
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I talked a bit about my back round in the BDSM scene. Then we talked about his experience in the swinger scene. Come to find out- they're not so different. With BDSM, we kinda go through the same steps when looking for a Dom or sub. We meet- generally just for the purpose of seeing if there is chemistry. With swinging- you meet to see if there is chemistry/attraction. The major difference: BDSM involves kinky sex, swinging involves.....well, just sex. Swinging is like finding a play partner...minus the kink. So in actuality, swinging is much more simple than BDSM. All you have to worry about is attraction and if you are looking for the same thing. You don't have to worry about the dynamic or if your list of kinks match up. You don't have to discuss rules or hard limits. You basically just enjoy each others company and see if you want to get down and dirty with the person! Sounds simple to me. <br />
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As the gentleman said that I met for lunch: swinging strips away all the uncertainty and hidden agendas found in the dating scene and shines a light on the big elephant in the room: sexual attraction. When I thought of it that way, I got it! Now I know I've found my people! That's what I've been looking for all along. I hate dating- HATE IT!! Actually, I've only been on one real date and it was fucking hell! I don't deal with the whole dating scene. I hate sitting through dinner trying to come up with interesting things to discuss while I sit there and wonder if the person even finds me attractive, or if they are praying for the night to end already. Then at the end of the night you hear the same old line "I'll call you". Then the waiting game- cause men go by the three day rule! That or you never hear from them again. If you do hear from them, then you might go on 2 or 3 more dates before you decide "OK, now I wont seem like a slut if we have sex because this is like the third date." Fuck!!! That is a lot of fucking work! <br />
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Why go through all that when when you can just meet a fellow swinger, talk, see if there is attraction. If there is- great! The only decision you have to make is if you have sex right then....or next time. You don't have to play the stupid little games and don't have to invest in 4 dinners in order to get a piece of ass! Am I missing something here? I much prefer the swinger attitude over the "vanilla" dating scene. Needless to say- I'm happy...and apparently now you can label me a swinger. Gah! I hate labels!!<br />
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I did find something out about myself recently. I've been involved in the kink scene for far too long because talking about sex, by itself, makes me uncomfortable. Totally backwards! I have no problem sitting there talking about spanking and bondage, flogging and whipping, pain and marks. But the minute you mention a quickie in the back room- I blush like a school girl. I so need to get out of the kink scene for a while. It's warped my brain! The topic of sex freaks me out- but kinky sex, no problem. That's just sad. <br />
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With that in mind- it makes me wonder....it's been well over 5 years since I had sex without kink involved. I know it gets me off. Will I actually enjoy sex on its own? Will it do anything for me? If I'm not in a submissive role and have no one dominating me- will I like it or be completely bored with sex like I was before? Only one way to test that theory :) Who wants to be my guinea pig? Hmmm, I think I have someone in mind. <br />
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Now as for not being comfortable talking about sex- I gotta fix that! If I'm going to be meeting people for the sole purpose of doing the nasty- I have to be comfortable talking about plain old sex. So I'm going to write a series of posts on sex- no kinks, no tricks. Just sex. Oh boy- this should be fun. Stay tuned!Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-15649401030365351732012-08-10T23:28:00.000-07:002012-08-10T23:28:17.253-07:00I Hate LabelsThere's two major reasons I hate labels. One- they create an image in your mind of what something is, typically. Two- it places limitations on what something can become. I'll explain myself in more detail. In the past couple months I've run into two situations where labels haunt me. The first involves a......friend. See, there you go! A label! Don't get me wrong- he is a friend. A great friend! A kinky friend. A great, kinky, sexy, sensual, dominant, delicious "friend". But it's not a platonic relationship! Generally when you hear "friend" you think- platonic. So I feel like the label friend doesn't do it justice. I'll just explain a bit about our dynamic and you can slap whatever label you want on it :p Cause we aren't labeling it! We're just going with the flow. <a name='more'></a><br />
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Now this friend- I have to mention him on here because he is a part of my life now. We talk a lot and it has to do with D/s, so of course he's going to come up on my blog! Let's call him J. I started talking to J oh, well over a year ago now. He came across my profile on a website and at that time I believe he wrote me wanting to know a bit more about polyamory. We started chatting quite often- developed a friendship. Even though at first we didn't discuss anything sexual....wait, I take that back. We talked a lot about kink! So there was undeniable sexual chemistry early on. But due to a few circumstances, it remained friendly. We didn't meet and explore anything. <br />
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We tried to keep conversations platonic but that never worked! It was mostly about everyday stuff, but would end on a sexy note. When we started chatting, J lived fairly close. But he soon moved quite a ways away. He wanted to meet in person before he left but me being the shy, introvert that I am couldn't get up the nerve to meet him. So he moved- we got back in touch once he was settled in. Conversations became more intense- and not just about sex. There was a bit of a D/s dynamic popping up. We found out we share a lot of the same kinks and fantasies. He started to wiggle his way into my little subbie brain; found out what makes me tick and how to turn me into putty. It actually scared me to death! Here I was talking to someone I'd never met in person and he got to me in ways I couldn't believe. <br />
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He visited my area again- we planned on meeting in person finally. But for two very important reasons we did not meet....yet again. I wont mention one of the reasons- but the other reason we didn't meet was because as I said he got to me in ways that was unbelievable. He is very much a mental player when it comes to D/s. I get off on the mental aspects- that's my kink. So J being a dominant person in the mental aspects turned me to jello. It freaked me out. So we didn't meet. Actually I ended all contact with him. I thought it would be easier to cut contact early on before he got to me even more and I thought he would just move on and forget about me. Find another subbie to connect with. But every once in a while I would get a text from J. When I saw his name pop up on my phone I would feel this little pang of excitement that I always felt when we chatted. But I never answered his texts. <br />
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Then something happened in my life. An event that sorta made me think differently about a few things. Around that time I got a message from J. Same pang of excitement- but I wasn't going to answer his message. Over the next couple days that message kept coming to mind. Finally I just sent a short reply. The reason I did was because I missed our conversations- not the sexual ones. I missed our thought provoking conversations. I figured "hey, hopefully he will be open to being my friend." So we reconnected and started chatting again as friends. But as usual the sexual chemistry just would not go away. <br />
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We continued to chat frequently and things just got more and more intense. Sexual tension so thick you could see it! He came to visit my area again- we finally met in person only a few months ago. I'm keeping that encounter to myself :) But I'll end my tale with this- we still talk frequently and meeting in person only validated everything! So when I say friend- that really doesn't encompass everything. We ARE friends- we have a great friendship. But he's also a friend that is dominant and gets to me like no other has before. So there is a D/s dynamic there sometimes. But is he MY Dom? I don't know. He's not a possession, so I guess he isn't "mine". But he sure as hell dominates me when it comes to sex! He gives me assignments to complete as well. So there is a bit of D/s- it just doesn't extend to other facets in my life. It's sexual D/s. <br />
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So- we have a friendship and we do engage in D/s at times. I wouldn't say we are just play partners or fuck buddies because I actually care for him. I care about what goes on in his life and we talk frequently. It's not just "hey! Let's fuck!" There's trust and respect and communication involved. Lover? Maybe- but like I said, you label something and then that puts restrictions on what something is or isn't. I don't want to put my relationships in one size fits all boxes. I want them to grow into what they were meant to be. So the closest thing I can come up with is: J is a close friend that I am insanely attracted to that knows how to push all the right kinky buttons :) <br />
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Before I get into the second reason why I hate labels- let me go over something. I believe that every person that comes into our lives is in it for a specific reason: to help us grow in some way. That is why I so strongly believe in polyamory. Everybody offers something different- they bring out different areas of our personalities. They help us learn about ourselves as individuals. We just have to find the ones that bring out the good parts of our personalities. J- well I wouldn't say he has brought out a part of my personality. More, he helped me discover this part of my personality that has been tucked away for far too long. It started to develop a few years back- but due to events in my life it got pushed to the side and forgotten, lost. <br />
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The side of my personality that I speak of is basically my sexuality. The horrible thing about it- most women are in the same boat! We push our sexuality to the side or cover it up. Society makes us feel like as women we shouldn't enjoy sex as much as men. That we are odd if we admit to having certain sexual urges. We are labeled sluts if we admit to these urges and actually engage in them. For men it is perfectly normal to have numerous sexual partners. "It's in their genes! Men are sexual creatures!" But if a woman goes through sexual partners as fast as a man- oh, she's a slut! A whore, a hussy, she's loose. When actually- we are just as sexual as men. We are sexual creatures as well. And you know what I've found out girls? Our sexuality is powerful. So stop hiding it! I finally have! I've come to terms with the fact that I enjoy sex and I don't give a shit if some view me as loose because I know that at the end of the day: men want a woman who is confident in their sexuality! That's what I mean by it being powerful! <br />
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So now on to the second reason why I hate labels. Like I said, J has taught me that it's OK to admit I enjoy sex. It's OK to actually go out and get this sex that I crave! But I'm not really the one night stand type of girl. I don't sleep around. I'm poly- I much prefer having a connection with people. But at the moment I am not looking for a relationship. I've been in serious relationship after serious relationship. I'm tired of them! I need a break honestly. Plus I just don't have the time for a committed relationship at the moment. So J suggested this website where I could meet people. I thought "cool! Let's do this! I'm used to websites. I'm on a BDSM site already!" I was pumped- then he told me it was a swingers site. "Ah OK- cool. Wait, wait wait!!! Swinger! I am not a fucking swinger! You have lost your damn mind! I don't just go hook up with random people! Besides- that's for couples! I'm a single female!" Or so I thought. Then I did some research. <br />
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If you are like me- the term "swinger" brings up certain images. When I heard the term swinger I thought of married couples that have sex with other married couples. Come to find out- after talking with quite a few "swingers", I've already engaged in swinger activity! Wait- what?! Yeah- in the BDSM community we call it play partners. You know- people you aren't really involved in a relationship with but you engage in sexual acts with? Yeah- apparently that's the same thing as swinging! Except that in the BDSM community- a play partner is usually someone you engage in BDSM acts with along with sex. With swingers- it just doesn't involve the BDSM aspect. At least that is what I've gathered from many in the swinging community. <br />
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So the second reason I hate labels: I hate the term "swinger"! Even though to some it may be considered the exact same as having a play partner- I don't like being labeled a swinger! Anyways- I'll end this post there. Next post will be more in depth on swinging: damn labels!!! <br />
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<br />Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-71983448220710126892012-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:002012-07-12T21:52:18.273-07:00My Fantasy Is Ruined!!!!!We all have fantasies. Generally they follow us through the years. Some of us are even lucky enough to have those fantasies fulfilled. Fulfilling your fantasy can go one of two ways: it can be even better than you ever thought possible......or it can be an epic fucking fail! Looking at the title- you can see how my fantasy turned out. Actually, my fantasy came to a screeching halt before it even started! Let's sit and laugh at my woes, shall we?<br />
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In our lives I believe you only meet a handful of people that really get to you. They effect you in ways you can't explain. You just know you want them and will do anything to get them. I met such a man, well at the time boy, about 12 years ago. I was a teenager, very naive. I was at the park with my BFF (yep the slutty one) and we met up with her friends- of course, two boys. I remember the first time I heard his voice. I wasn't even looking at him, I hadn't even noticed him. But I heard this melodic, masculine voice. Immediately the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I thought of that voice whispering naughty things in my ear. (what! Where did that thought come from! I was a virgin at the time, knew nothing about sex) He had a voice made for dirty talk. Then my eyes locked with his- instant lust! I saw it in his eyes as well. <br />
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While we were all sitting there talking he used some corny pickup line on me. Gah- I hate those things! But it made me laugh and to this day I still remember it. I had on a shirt that said "dream"- right across my breasts of course! So, how could he miss it ;) After talking for a while he leaned over and said "Dream huh? Are you a dream or are you for real? Cause if you're a dream, I never want to wake up." I blushed- cause I was like 16! But inside I was laughing hysterically. I looked up at him and he winked, showing me he was kidding. That made me like him that much more. I love when someone can make me laugh and doesn't take life too seriously. <br />
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After a while we went our separate ways. Later that day my BFF called Mr....lets call him brown eyes. He had the most beautiful brown eyes! So later on, my BFF called up Mr. Brown eyes. He immediately asked if I was with her. My friend handed the phone to me "hey dream girl!" that was my nickname from then on. For months we talked on the phone everyday, for hours at a time. He said things that turned me on, frightened me and spoke of things I knew nothing about. But one thing was for sure- we wanted each other, with a burning need. But he was a few years older than me. At 16 it was quite the age difference. Now, it would be nothing. <br />
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Even with the age difference we couldn't keep our hands off each other when we were around one another. I remember the first time I kissed him. I can't even put into words how intense it was! You know how people describe kisses that are better than sex? How just a kiss can satisfy them? That's how he kissed! The chemistry was so thick that you could cut it with a knife when our lips met. To this day- I judge all other kisses by his kiss. That's how intense it was! I didn't just want to kiss him- I wanted to crawl under his fucking skin, wanted to be one with him. God- just thinking about it right now has me excited. OK, moving on!<br />
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Mr. Brown eyes was always a gentleman. Well, when it came to saying no ;) he was in no way gentleman. He was a naughty, dirty, perverted boy that turned me to mush. But when I would be begging for him to "just take me already!" He would always say no- because of the age difference....and that I was a virgin and "deserved better than to be taken in such a way". Well, screw you buddy! :p We went our separate ways after a while. I got tired of being denied something I wanted so bad. But I still thought of him often. He starred in many a fantasy over the years. I vowed that if I ever ran into him later in life- I would show him just how grown up I was and fuck his brains out! I couldn't help but think "if just him kissing me feels that good- how amazing would it be if we actually had sex?! We would light the sheets on fire!" So I had many fantasies of meeting him again after years of not seeing one another and all the things that we would do to one another. But I never thought I would actually ever run into him again in life. I mean, what are the chances right? Jump ahead a few years......<br />
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As you all know, I have a daughter. She is in preschool now. I work in her class often and am very close to a few of the other Moms. One in particular, I am very close to. (know where this is going yet? lol) Well, we talk about significant others quite often. The Mom I am closest to, her husband lets just say he is very overprotective and....just, odd in my opinion! Well, just based on what she says about him. So- about three weeks ago I go on a camping trip with a few of the Mom's from preschool. I carpool with my close friend. We took my car- so I had to pick her up. She gives me the address and her home phone number to call her when I am on my way. Guess what? Same phone number and address as Mr. Brown eyes! My heart skipped a beat. <em>Holy fucking shit!! No, maybe she just lives in the house that he used to live in and she happened to get his old phone number or something. It can't really be my hot fantasy man. No fucking way! </em><br />
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So I go to pick up my friend. I drive up to the house- yep, that's his house alright! I start praying to whatever higher force is out there that he doesn't open the door! That's all I can do at that point! I know he is my close friend's husband- so there goes my years of fantasizing. No way I'm making a move on her husband! I walk up to the door. <em>Please, please! Just don't let him open the door!!! I don't even want to see him! If I see him then who knows what my hormones will make me do! </em>I knock- someone opens the door, it's a man. But a man I don't recognize <em>phew! It's not him. Thank god! </em>The man does a double take- then I look at him more closely. <em>Oh shit! It IS him! I'd know those eyes anywhere. OK- so maybe he wont notice that its me! I look a little different. Yeah, he wont know its me. I'm good. </em>As I'm thinking that he does like a triple, quadruple take. Then I see in his eyes that he knows exactly who I am. <em>Fuck! Just run back to the car! Just go! Get away from him, now! </em>I walk back to the car as fast as I possibly can. And I'll tell you why....<br />
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So, if my fantasy man being married to a close friend wasn't bad enough. I mean, my fantasies had all been crushed the minute I found that out. Life decided to take my crushed fantasies and completely obliterate them!! How so? The man that I had such chemistry with, who is only 6 years older than me....now looks like he's fucking 30 years older than me! WHAT!!! What the hell happened?! My fantasy is ruined!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just ruined- squashed, eliminated, eradicated, annihilated!!! <br />
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Yet another reason why I try not to fantasize! Things are never as good in real life! OK, so that's not entirely true- but in this case IT SO IS!!!Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-26963329606066635442012-07-08T07:15:00.003-07:002012-07-08T07:18:23.244-07:00Submission Is A State Of Mind...."If a woman is not submissive to a man it is not because she lacks the ability to submit; rather he lacked the ability to create for her a place in her heart and mind to fall to her knees." <br />
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What a beautiful quote- and in my opinion so true! I happened upon this quote on a woman's profile on fetlife. Immediately it caught my attention. To me- this quote encompasses everything submission is. It's not something I freely give to anyone. It's not a "gift" as many say because it's not an object to give away. Rather it is a state of mind that a Dom creates. A safe haven where I can drop all my boundaries and just.....be.<br />
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Again, this is my personal opinion based on my experiences. Submission is completely mental for me. It doesn't involve anything physical. When I think of submission- I don't think of bondage or spanking, hair pulling or kneeling, name calling or degradation. I think of someone slowly working their way into my brain and seducing my senses, Making me melt from the inside out. Making me WANT to please them, serve them instead of demanding I do with their own words. The physical aspects- that's just an extension of the mental. An actual way to show I am being dominated and I am submitting. Without that state of mind, I wont submit. <br />
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When I first entered the lifestyle I viewed submission in a completely different way. Well, I had no experience submitting to anyone! I just knew it appealed to me. Now that I have actually submitted to a few I know what it involves. Also, talking with many Doms over the past few years- I've gathered different views. I've taken what works for me and discarded what doesn't. The one common theme that was brought to my attention was very hard for me to understand. That theme is this: one of the roles of a Dom is to be a leader essentially. Find out what the sub desires deep inside and help them realize it and bring it out. And not just sexually! Even everyday things that will help the sub become a better, more rounded individual. (if your dynamic includes that of course) <br />
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"What? Um, isn't submission just about pleasing the Dom? Come on! They're in charge. They order you around and you do it cause it's ALL about their pleasure." That's exactly what I thought for a loooooong time. In some cases, yes, people are into that and their dynamic is solely based on their Dom's pleasure. But the majority that I've talked to don't feel that way. They feel the subs pleasure, enjoyment is just as important. Even though the sub is in the submissive role- their pleasure is still addressed and valued. <br />
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This brings me to a conversation that keeps coming up with a close friend. See, I am very much a people pleaser. It's actually tough for me to voice my wants- let alone endure a scene based on my own pleasure. It's just not me. I feel guilty and selfish and the entire time I'm thinking "well, what about you?!" I am much more comfortable pleasuring someone else than receiving pleasure. I can't explain it- I just am. But my friend keeps asking me "what do you get from pleasing someone else? What's in it for you?" My answer has always been "I don't know. It just gets me off!" I finally understood what I get when I saw that quote. So guess what- I finally have an answer :)<br />
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What do I get out of completely focusing on anothers pleasure? Well, when I am in a submissive role- I mean a true D/s connection, not just some random play session. (Because as I said- I only submit when I WANT to please and serve.) When time has been taken and all my boundaries have dropped and I'm at a place where I WANT to submit and am not "ordered" to. When things have been addressed and I've been pushed past my comfort zone not only sexually, but in everyday situations.......I please and serve out of reverence, thankfulness. I please because to me it is the only way I know how to show just how thankful I am for all the things a person has done for me. (besides- I just get off on being manhandled :p) So the question should be- what do YOU get out of pleasing me? What do YOU get out of making my fantasies come to life? What do YOU get out of spending hours, days breaking down my walls? What do YOU get out of pushing me to be a better person? I get so much from a Dom that I could write a damn book! What do YOU get? <br />
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You've been asking the wrong question :) I get too much to name- and in return I give my trust, my respect, my body. You create a space for me to feel completely comfortable and beautiful. A place where I know I can fall to my knees- where I can completely let go because I know I will be safe and taken care of in that moment and respected. That's what I get! And in return you get a woman who is grateful and completely open to pleasing the hell out of you! In my opinion D/s is a powerful thing. Not many can make me feel comfortable enough to submit. Let me clarify- as I said before submission is completely mental for me....so I'm not talking about submitting to someone just physically- not BDSM play- but actual submission. The true definition of submission. Moving on :)<br />
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You know me- I think things to death. So of course I looked at that quote over and over again. I looked at it from every angle. Then it dawned on me- that quote goes both ways. The Dom is just as vulnerable. Just as willing to please and give what is needed. Not only does the Dom need to create a safe haven for the sub, but the sub for the Dom as well. If there is a mental connection- the Dom trusting the sub is just as important. As I said D/s is powerful- both parties push past boundaries emotionally and physically. That leaves you very vulnerable and open. So it is just as important for the sub to create a safe haven for the Dom. A place where he can be completely open and honest and bask in his evil, sadistic, depraved glory! It's give and take. Each party gives and receives equally- just in different ways. Although one is in the driver seat and the other the passenger- in the end, both are equal. So there is your answer! <br />
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Thank you to the one who posted that quote. It has been an eye opener. It allowed me to better understand my submission and why I am the way I am. I hope it has the same effect on others. <br />
<br />Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-12322027051376275812012-05-27T23:59:00.000-07:002012-05-27T23:59:02.191-07:00Do We As Subs Actually Have a "Choice"?I'll start off by saying- read the entire post before you get all uppity about the title :p I know it's our "choice" to actually submit and don't you forget it! I'm no doormat and I'll be damned if I let anyone think in their heart of hearts that subs are doormats! I'm looking out for us fellow subs ;) <br />
I just had an interesting conversation with friend about free will. So it made me start thinking, cause he had some valid points! I'll expand on that later. For now, let me explain what type of sub I am so you can better understand where I am coming from. <br />
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I really don't think I'm all that different from the majority of subs- who knows, maybe I am! I can only speak for myself. If I had to choose only one kink, one driving force behind my submission it would have to be the need to please my partner; I'm a people pleaser. So when I'm involved with someone I want to do all that I can to please them in every way. Knowing that I am the one, the vessel that delivers that pleasure is what gets me off. (side note: if you are the same as me, make sure you trust your partner and stay safe! Being a people pleaser, we are more likely to be taken advantage of. Don't do it! Keep yourself safe! Use the head on your shoulders ladies :) you are worth it) Naturally that is a very vulnerable position to be in! If you are involved emotionally with someone, you want to please them even more and may end up doing things you don't want to because you are more susceptible to emotional manipulation. Which kinda takes away a bit of the free will. You may find yourself in a situation where your partner wants you to do something you are not comfortable with, or even refuse to do. Your partner knowing you are a people pleaser could play the "well, don't you want to please your Dom?" card and the next thing you know you are doing something you hate!<br />
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The above mentioned was one situation my friend talked about. I get it, I can see where that could happen and how that can be interpreted as taking away someones free will. But my argument is this: yes, you may choose to play that card. Yes, a sub may feel guilted into doing something. BUT- it's the sub that decides "OK, am I going to actually carry this task out? Or am I going to say fuck it and risk not pleasing my Dom?". The sub still has a choice in the matter. There are two options, it's their personal choice which way they want to go. In my mind you still have free will. Yeah, the sub may not like the outcome- but the sub still decides on their own which road to take. You have options; if there was only one choice then that would be a loss of free will. There are two options: how is that a loss of free will? Subs have brains of their own. As long as you have a functioning brain- you as an individual have free will. <br />
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Is the situation manipulative? Yes. Is it a jackass move? Yes. Is it a loss of free will? No- cause I could tell you at anytime to fuck off and walk away :) That's why it is so important as a sub to find a Dom you can trust and communicate with. If not- you could find yourself in a situation like that and end up emotionally scarred. Subs- always, always, always take the time to get to know a person before you get into D/s. A Dom should respect hard limits. Soft limits....well that's a little more tricky and depends on your dynamic and kinks and such. <br />
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Anyways! My opinion- there is no loss of free will. I feel that way because personally, yes I am a people pleaser, but if I don't feel comfortable with a situation, or just flat out don't want to do something I'll tell you to kiss my ass! I don't base my decisions on emotions. I'm a very logical thinker, so emotional manipulation doesn't work on me. I understand others make decisions based on emotions, so unfortunately I can't help you there. I'm not the emotional type so it's hard for me to grasp the concept. <br />
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Now for the second scenario my friend gave me. Say you are in a scene and you ask the Dom to touch you. In your mind you have a specific place you'd like to be touched, but you don't mention it. The Dom only gives you two options. "I'll touch your breast or your ass. Decide" But you really wanted him to touch your pussy. The Dom only gave you two choices- so your free will of being able to decide where you want to be touched has been taken. Is that considered having your free will taken from you? Well, now the lines are blurring. In my opinion yes and no. Yes, so my will of being able to specify where exactly I want to be touched has been taken away. But I made the choice to hand over my "free will" to you in a scene. So honestly, I still have free will. If I am subbing to you I freely chose to hand over my free will to you, right? <br />
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The sub makes the decision to submit- so right there, they are using their free will. Without that then there wouldn't be a D/s dynamic and we wouldn't even be discussing this because there would only be a Dom standing there with no one to dominate. It's not until the sub makes the "choice" to submit that we have a D/s dynamic. If you are my Dom, then I've used my "free will" to "freely" decide to hand over my "free will" to you. Could I use the word "free" anymore in this post? I'm "free"...."free" falling! "free" your mind...and the rest will follow! <br />
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So all this "free will", "do subs actually have a choice"- moot argument! Done! Checkmate! Well there's my opinion! Let's hear what everyone else has to say. I love debates. They turn me on! So come on! I want to hear your opinion :)Mariposahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11920896395220546026noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-34677578031409284802012-04-11T21:34:00.000-07:002012-04-11T21:34:37.502-07:00Kama SutraYes, you read right. Kama Sutra. "Um, isn't this a BDSM blog?" Yes, yes it is. But I'm an avid reader and love to learn about different cultures and am fascinated with history. I'm not sure how I got on my kama Sutra kick- my brain is a confusing place. I was thinking about sex, as I always am, and that lead to thinking about different positions. Positions made me think of kama sutra and pleasure. Then I stopped and thought- who's the crazy kinky SOB that came up with kama sutra anyway?! So I googled it. Damn!! After reading the first line about the author I was thinking <em>oh, I have to get this fuckin book! </em><br />
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The thing that caught my eye was about the author- Valsyayana, who supposedly was a celibate monk. My FIRST thought was <em>wait, they have Indian monks?! </em>Call me naive but when I think of monks I immediately think of China, you know Tibet? But apparently back in the day there were monks in India. My second thought was <em>a celibate monk writing about sex. Oh that's so sick and twisted..... I LOVE it!!!! </em>Valsyayana apparently said his work in compiling all of the sexual knowledge of ages past- was a form of masturbation and ejaculation- I mean meditation and contemplation. Val, you dirty boy you! Sounds like you were involved in some extracurricular activities. "Hey Val, aren't you going to join us for dinner?" "uh, no I have to go.... meditate some more." More like procreate! Naughty, naughty Val!<br />
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So now hooked, I begin to read on a little more about kama sutra. I'm sure most of you thought it was a big book of contortionists having sex like I did. Oh, no no! There is so much more! "Mariposa, what does this have to do with BDSM?" I'll get there don't worry. Anyways- it seems this big book of naughtiness that I must get my hands on- is about the basic belief that in order for a marriage to be "happy", both men and women should be well versed in the arts of pleasure- both carnal and cerebral. Some even refer to it as a marriage manual. That's it! I'm buying stock! Everyone of my friends that gets married now gets a copy of Kama Sutra for their wedding present. <br />
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A few topics that Valsyayana covers stunned me! I just HAVE to see if this is all true! I gotta see it with my own eyes- STAT! Like- "a man who fails to provide and bring about pleasure is subject to a woman's recourse, that is, to seek pleasure elsewhere where she may find it" oh shit! You better deliver boy! Also he states that one of his main goals in life is the pursuit of kama (pleasure). You hedonistic bastard ;) There's also chapters on "ways to get money from him" and "ways to get rid of him". Gold diggers!! If THAT wasn't enough to peak your interest, then how about the practice of homo eroticism between women. He talks about women in harems pleasing each other because there is only one husband shared by all. I knew it!!! As I have always said- I was born in the wrong century. Now, the wrong country as well! <br />
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One website even said that there are buildings in India that have pics of couples in different sexual positions. Fuck! Now I have to visit India! "Ooooh! Today lets go the the Taj Mahal." Fuck the Taj Mahal in all its marble glory! I'm here to see "the Tigress" depicted in stained glass at a monastery! <br />
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Finally- on to the reason I mentioned kama sutra on a BDSM blog. One site stated that "the text focuses on power in the relationship" and "the man is the active agent and the young woman is the passive locus". The first writing on D/s? Maybe! Fuck yeah! Of course I know that was just the times- back in the day us women had no power. But to actually sit down and read a text that talks about such things as if it is "THE way" to do it- I'm so interested! D/s, kama sutra style! Plus I just have to see what other freaky things this Val guy has to say! <br />
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Excuse me- I have to go read up on kama!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-63086887735093007932012-03-29T21:31:00.000-07:002012-03-29T21:31:05.808-07:00Busy, Crazy WomanSeeing as I will not be sane enough to write anything for probably oh- the next two months, I've decided on joining Google+. Not that I have any idea how to use it yet. But if you want to join my circle you can so you can see my updates easier. I just don't have the time right now seeing as I joined the dark side and am having to do shit loads of work for my daughter's co-op preschool. So I'm not sure if you find me under my e-mail, or user name or what! But my email is: <a href="mailto:mariposasmusings@gmail.com">mariposasmusings@gmail.com</a> and my name is Mariposa M. So hopefully you can find me with one of those. I'd like to have contact with you guys anyways! Seeing as I don't want to create a face book profile for my blog- this works! Come join me and see what crazy shenanigans I get myself into everyday.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-24942424592018126042012-03-10T22:40:00.000-08:002012-03-10T22:40:31.594-08:00Love Is One Of Many PiecesWe hear it all the time- love is the key. Love is the answer to everything. Love conquers all. Well, I disagree. "What?! OK, now you've really lost it Mariposa." Hear me out. When it comes to relationships- love does not conquer all, it is not the answer to everything and it is not the key to a lasting relationship. Yes, love is part of it, but it will only take you so far.<br />
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I may only be 28 but I've had my share of experiences with heartbreak and long term relationships. I know what works and what doesn't. So why has society made us buy into this dream of love being the answer to everything? We're just setting ourselves up for failure. Yes, you may love someone, but does that make them right for you? Women love their abusers- does that sound like a lasting relationship? Maybe, but it would be one hell of a life for the person being abused! Sometimes we love people and things that are not good for us. So no, love is not enough. If it were then I would have stayed with my very first boyfriend, or my ex husband! I loved them both very much, but with them I turned into a bitter, depressed, broken mess. Even love couldn't conquer that. I found myself wishing I <em>didn't</em> love them because it would make things so much easier. So no love is not the "key", the "answer", the "conqueror"- it's only a piece to the puzzle that helps put together the finished product of a healthy, lasting relationship. What are the rest of the pieces you ask? I'll tell you what they are in my opinion :)<br />
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<strong><u>Friends with benefits</u></strong><br />
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Seriously! Your significant other should first and foremost be your friend. So pretty much you end up being friends with benefits, with love thrown in the mix. Think about it- if you can't stand the person how does it have any chance of working? There has to be friendship there. After a long ass, horrible day you should be able to go to your partner and talk to them, bond. You need to know they are not only there for you as a boyfriend/girlfriend, but a friend- someone you can count on to have your back. Someone you know wants to hang out with you and enjoys their time. <br />
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How many people do you hear say "God! I have to go watch a chick flick with my girlfriend. I'd much rather go do something else." Or "My girlfriend said we need to talk- that's never a good sign." What?! You should look forward to being with the person you love! You should be just as comfortable sitting and talking about something as simple and odd as toe jam as you are expressing your love. Hell, the majority of the time Sir and I are together it's like hanging out with one of my BFF's! Except we hold hands and are attracted to each other :) I'm just comfortable with him and like spending time with him. He is my friend first. <br />
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Oh, another benefit of being in a relationship with a friend..... OK so maybe it's just our relationship, or maybe it has to do with the fact that we are poly. One thing I actually like and think is pretty funny is when with one of us finds another attractive, we'll point them out and both stare, give our opinion LOL. Just another benefit in my book :) Don't have to hide the fact that we check other people out. Cause we all do it anyway whether we admit it or not! But I like that I can actually voice my thoughts- because Sir is my friend. I don't think we could do that if we were not friends and only lovers. <br />
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<strong><u>Pets start to look like their owners</u></strong><br />
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Just as humans when in relationships, start to pick up on their partners personality traits/ mannerisms. Not only that- certain people bring out certain traits in us. So a good thing to realize is- you need to be with someone that brings out the best in you. That makes you strive to be the best you can be. Not one that brings out your anger or suppresses your confidence. <br />
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For instance, as I said before I did love my ex husband. But something about him brought out a side of me I never knew existed. I had never been so angry and depressed in my life! It destroyed me- I couldn't believe I had that in me. Now I know, yes I do have it in me. I just have to be with people that bring out the best in me and I in them. Or else life can get really complicated and downright pathetic. <br />
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Now with Sir- not only do I strive to be the best girlfriend/sub/friend that I can be for him- I try to be the best I can be as a person in general. He makes me want to be "a better woman" hehehehe. He brings out my confidence and motivates me to do the things I should. He supports me in everything I do so I am free to do what I need to do in life knowing without a doubt he will always be on my side. He accepts me for me so I can freely be ME. You have no idea how refreshing that is. <br />
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<strong><u>Opposites attract, but only for so long</u></strong><br />
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Then again if you're with someone too similar to yourself it can get boring as well. It would be like dating yourself! Which might work for some, but not me. No, I feel you have to find the right balance. You need to really think about the things that are important to you and find someone similar to you in those aspects and different in less crucial areas. Like for me morals are a huge deciding factor. I have to be with someone that holds the same morals as me, or at least has some! Other things such as music are trivial to me. But to some music may be their life so they have to find someone that fits them in that sense. <br />
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I also feel it is important to have some similar hobbies and some that are different. You need to be able to enjoy doing a few activities together, but also need to have a few you do as an individual. You need time with your lover just as much as you need time away from one another. No clingers! Be able to stay your own person.. You never know what may happen in life. Your significant other may be your life, you do everything with them- then one day they die in a car crash. Where does that leave you? Missing half of yourself. No, be independent in some aspects. It will make you happier in the long run :)<br />
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<strong><u>The whole kit and caboodle</u></strong><br />
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You gotta love the whole person. Don't be in it for great sex, or income, or great abs, or a winning personality but not so easy on the eyes. If so- you'll find those little aspects you thought you could overlook in the beginning become the things you can't stand later on. For some reason commitment magnifies all our shortcomings. In the beginning you may like how spontaneous the person is because you never know what to expect. Down the line you'll find yourself saying "can't you just plan ONE thing?!" <br />
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I say go ahead and pick the person apart. If you don't in the beginning, believe me you will down the road! Might as well get it out of the way and see if you really can handle and love everything the person has to offer. People don't have options to upgrade. It's not like you are picking out your mate at a car lot. "Yeah, I'll take the thinner, darker model. But could you switch out the average brain for a genius and the bad temper for the relaxed option?" No, you don't get to pick and choose what you like and swap out what you don't. We're not cars- we're human beings with our own individual personalities that cannot (yes girls I said it- cannot! So don't even try to change a man. It wont happen. Let the poor guys be) be changed. You have to love the person as a whole, good and bad. You have to love all of them- their whole being, their soul. <br />
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<strong><u>Speak the same language</u></strong><br />
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You can communicate all you want, but unless you communicate in the same way it wont make a difference. You always hear about communication being so important in relationships. I've seen my fair share of great communicators whose relationships are in shambles. It's because one is speaking Greek while the other is speaking Japanese! They are both communicating- but are doing so in a different way to where the other party doesn't understand. So not only do you have to communicate- you've got to pay attention to the style of communicating you are putting out and receiving. Or else you'll go round and round in circles. <br />
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My coworkers for instance! They are always bickering, when actually they are both saying the same thing but in a different manner. It doesn't help either that both of them use incorrect words to describe things! It annoys the shit out of me! But I am able to figure out what they are conveying so I can usually communicate with both of them. But the two together- it's like world war 3! Speaking of war- that was my marriage. We did not communicate on the same wave length. I was speaking "mature adult" and he was speaking "selfish child" ;) <br />
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Anyways- you get it? It's not just about the ability to communicate- but the way you communicate. <br />
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<strong><u>Spicing things up</u></strong><br />
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Yep, that's right! You got to keep things fresh! Spice up your love life! Just kidding. No, spice up your WHOLE life! Research shows- look at me getting all technical- that the key factor in happy relationships is continually experiencing new things with your partner or learning things from your partner. It's true! I read an article on this a while back and it makes sense. They talked about the whole honeymoon period of a relationship and how happy you are because you are learning new things about your partner and life in general and you experience a lot of firsts with the person. Then they got into the whole chemical/hormone thing. Learning or experiencing something new releases some chemical blah, blah, blah... that makes you happy. So it only makes sense that if you continually try new things and learn new things from your partner- your brain keeps releasing that chemical- hence continual happiness. <br />
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Now this is the part where I wish I could stand up and say to the world "I am a BDSM advocate. Troubles in your relationship? Spank your troubles away! Having trust issues? Hand over control to the one you love! Partner need an attitude adjustment? Tie em up and show em who's boss!" Cause if there is one thing BDSM is not- it's predictable. There's always something new to try, a new avenue to explore. There's so much out there in the world of kink I don't think you could ever get bored. That's the problem nowadays with the divorce rate! Not enough kinky people! If I were a therapist- my running prescription would be BDSM. Maybe it's even the secret to world peace! "give kink a chance..." I wish I lived in a world that was that open. <br />
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Kink is just as important to me in my relationship as morals. Do we match up on morals? OK, great! How about kinks? No? Sorry- it wont work. <br />
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Anyways, on a more serious note- that is what I've learned on my journey in life so far. Yes it takes a LOT more than love. It's a lot of work, but that's why you need to find the people in life that are worth all the effort. Have you found them? I know I have :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-77597736232425470922012-02-23T22:17:00.000-08:002012-02-23T22:17:00.618-08:00I May Be A Lot Of Things, But....There is one thing I am not! (side note: I am doing much better than I was when I initially wrote this post. I felt I should still share though) Don't mind me, I'm just venting. I can handle a lot of things, but one thing I will not put up with is someone attacking my character. I'm a pretty confident person. I'm not proud- don't get the two confused. I know after 28 years in the same skin, there's no one in this world that knows me better than myself. So call me what you will- I know who I am. I think that scares a lot of people- a person that is the strong, confident, silent type. Some feel unsure of themselves since we're hard to read and feel the need to attack so they feel better about themselves. <br />
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I'll tell you who I am with the utmost confidence! I'm lots of things. I'm stubborn, introverted, soft spoken, bitchy at times, selfless, nurturing, passionate, a little dense, naive, goofy, predictable/ creature of habit, blunt, forgetful, slow to forgive, high strung, committed, responsible, direct, a nonconformist, fearful, perseptive, warm, a procrastinator. That's who I am- the good and the bad. But there is ONE thing I am not and that is: fake. <br />
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Anyone who knows me well knows I am the farthest thing from fake! I am the most genuine person you will ever meet. I give my all to every person I come in contact with. I don't give a damn if you are just a stranger walking down the street! I will respect you and treat you with the kindness you deserve because you are a fellow human. So when someone I've actually invested time in comes at me with "be yourself" it erks me. So this is all I have to say: I am being myself. I can't be anything else BUT myself! So if you don't like what I'm putting out there- uh, go find someone you do like. Cause this hard headed bitch doesn't change for anyone! No, not even Sir and he'll tell you himself! If he doesn't like something about me- oh well. He has to be the one to decide if he can handle being around me. Cause with me, you get what you get. I don't care if God himself- or whoever you believe in- came up to me and said "hey! Fix this" I'd say sorry! You created me to be this way- not gonna happen. <br />
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Fake- seriously! No I am not fake. But I do tend to phrase things in a nicer way than how I really want to say them. I've learned in life that I am way too blunt and that hurts a lot of peoples feelings. So to save peoples self esteem I phrase things in a way as not to upset. I'm only blunt with people I know can handle it. The majority of society cannot. So I CHOOSE to supress that bluntness. Maybe people pick up on that aspect and that's where they get the vibe I'm not "being myself". But other than that, this is me. If you can't handle it then go. <br />
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Call me a bitch, whatever you want to think- I don't care. You don't accept me? Go find someone you can accept because people come and go in life. At the end of the day I answer to one person- me. So why change to please another? When they leave my life then I'm stuck unhappy because I became something I am not. Nope- been there, done that at a young age. Learned from my mistakes. <br />
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Growing up I was always an outsider. I had a few close friends. The reason is I didn't want to be a part of a group just to feel accepted. I saw how fake individuals could be and if that's what it entailed to be "accepted" then leave me out of it. Of course as a teen it upset me- I felt lonely at times. But as an adult- I don't care. I'm fine with being a "loner"- as long as I'm true to myself. That's what makes me happy- being me and having people in my life that accept me flaws and all. So anyone that comes in asking me to change, or can't handle me the way I am- good riddance! :)<br />
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Don't worry- I'll be back to my cheery self in my next post. Of course the subject matter does help with the cheery feeling: love!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-67397586040215845932012-02-18T15:07:00.000-08:002012-02-18T15:07:51.435-08:00UpdateI am going to take a break with the whole Guide to Submission posts. A few things have been getting to me. One, the reason I started posting about that topic- I'm not feeling it anymore. The inspiration for that particular sequence of posts has been soured. Needless to say I am getting rid of all the negative energy in my life at the moment. Those posts- they have a negative draw to them for me. Second- who the hell am I to tell you what submission is and isn't?! I'm not all knowing. I'm just another fellow BDSMer. Third, I am in a negative spot right now and want to yell at a few people "go figure it out yourself! I had to! I didn't have anyone holding my hand telling how to do things!" Like I said- it's negative and I hate to be a negative person. But, it's a sore subject at the moment. So I'm taking a break and trying to move on and leave all that negative outlook behind. It's gone, what's done is done. Let's look to the future :) So I will be back to posting about the random topics that enter my crazy brain! Enjoy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-44699636707810579792012-02-16T22:58:00.000-08:002012-02-16T22:58:53.050-08:00Lets Talk About SexThat's what this post is about- sex. Pure and simple! SEX! We're taking a break with the whole guide to submission thing to get down to something that has been going on the past few months- amazing sex! The reason I bring it up is because I'm baffled! What has changed? What is it that has made the past few months the best sex I've ever had? Is it because I'm getting closer to being in my prime? Is it the fact that I am just so sexually attracted to Sir? Is it the domination? Too many factors to actually figure out what caused such a huge change. But why not sit and analyze those categories? :) Might as well- considering sex is on my mind most of the day!<br />
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I will be 29 this year. I have been dreading this year. OMG! The big 3-0 is coming soon! But I have to tell you, if the big 3-0 means feeling this damn good- bring it on!!!! You're probably wondering what it actually means to be in your "prime". Well according to many sites they state it is generally easier to achieve orgasm and you orgasm more often. Also that your sexual appetite increases. Last, you are more confident as a person in general. Um, check, check and check!! I don't just orgasm more frequently or easier- sex in general just feels good! Before yeah, it was good. But only certain angles felt better and such. Now- good god! I almost hyperventilated last time and I didn't even orgasm! THEN- while I was you know, taking care of things myself the other day ;) I had three orgasm back to back! I couldn't stop myself. I had one and then OMG- another and then OMFG another!! I was thinking "is it ever going to stop?!" Damn! That's all I have to say- damn! If this is my prime- I am so embracing it!<br />
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So if it's not my prime- then maybe it's my attraction to Sir. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe because I haven't really been attracted to someone physically and their personality at the same time. To me that is odd. It's either one or the other. I usually find them extremely hot and really don't like their personality or I love their personality and have no physical attraction to them. So I find when I'm spending time with Sir that I switch from one moment just loving talking, cuddling- to wanting to jump on him and devour him! So attraction could be a factor in this equation. <br />
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Then comes the fact that Sir is so dominating. I have always been attracted to dominant men. But all the men I dated that were dominant were only dominant to a point. I would push them and they would roll over on their backs wanting me to scratch their bellies. That's no fun! I push so you will tell me no! I push so you WILL dominate me! So with Sir- he doesn't let me get away with things. Every time I test or push- a chill runs down my spine when he gives me that look as if to say "I'm in fuckin charge!" Even something that is in no way sexual! It could be him telling me to get him a glass of water and I say no and he gives me the look. I can't help but get excited!!! Because I know when we are alone- the evil, sexy, sadistic Dom will come out and bring it to my attention that I didn't obey. Yes, domination definitely plays a role. <br />
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I figured it out! What factor makes this the best I've felt ever- all three. It's a deadly combination! But if I could choose how I went, I would sooooooo choose to go due to those three factors. God damn!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-22468557529445572112012-02-01T21:25:00.000-08:002012-02-01T21:25:39.407-08:00No Bullshit Guide: DynamicsJust as submission itself differs, so do dynamics. I doubt you will come across a couple that has the same dynamic as another- ever! It's very individual. It depends on what the couple is looking for and how things naturally progress. But one thing is for sure- everything is consensual. No one enters a dynamic with force, not even slaves. They agree beforehand to give up all rights. I'm going to beat that into your heads :) consensual! Abuse= force, unwanted. BDSM= consensual. Got it?! Consensual ;)<br />
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Since dynamics are so individual I'm just going to go over the most well known "labels". Generic guidelines. Then I will tell you about my dynamic with Sir so you can see how one tailors a "label" to fit their desires. <br />
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<u>Play Partners</u><br />
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Some people have what they call play partners. It doesn't usually involve a commitment and it's not long term. More they just meet up to engage in BDSM scenes and are usually good friends if nothing else. Play partners can range from service tops/bottoms to a D/s dynamic only for the duration of a scene. Some play partners don't even include sex in their dynamic. It could just involve BDSM play and nothing else.<br />
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A lot of people who refer to themselves as sadists and masochists are service tops/bottoms. There is no mental domination involved- it's just physical. A "service" top is one that performs certain acts that the bottom requests. Which basically in that dynamic the bottom is the one in control. Hell, even I could be a service top! Something I am thinking more about exploring actually. All it means is you negotiate what you want to be done. For instance say I want to be spanked, nothing else. I might find a service top to spank me. I'd tell them my limits, maybe what implement I want and they would stay within those boundaries. <br />
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Play partners CAN have a D/s dynamic. But it only happens within a scene. There is no day to day control going on. It ends when the scene does. Sir and I started as play partners and truly didn't really enter a true D/s relationship I'd say until about maybe 8 months ago? Play partners is probably the most broad label out there. It all comes down to figuring out what you and your play partner want things to be like. It could be as serious or as casual as you like.<br />
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<u>D/s- Dom/sub relationship</u><br />
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D/s usually indicates a long term relationship. If someone has a sub, they are involved with the person on some level. It doesn't have to be on a romantic level. You can agree to just have a D/s relationship minus the love. But I have found most usually are involved with their Dom or sub emotionally. The level of submission one wants in a D/s dynamic can range anywhere from just a bedroom sub to having pretty much every aspect of your life controlled. To me the major difference between D/s and M/s is that with D/s the sub gets to set their limits and has a say in certain things and they retain their rights. They can choose what aspects of their lives they want the Dom to have control of. <br />
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Some agree to try pushing limits whereas some set their limits and don't want them to be tested or pushed whatsoever. A lot find pushing limits is a way to form trust in a relationship. Some, if it is not a hard limit they agree that limits, such as soft limits, can be pushed. D/s can be 24/7 or it can be from scene to scene. It depends upon what the couple prefers. <br />
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<u>M/s- Master/slave relationship</u><br />
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Generally an M/s relationship is 24/7 and includes TPE- total power exchange. A slave willingly enters a relationship knowing their rights will be stripped away/ or the Master will have control of all rights/decisions. Some even sign contracts and are then the Masters "property". Not all M/s relationships have contracts. Only if it is agreed upon. Some slaves can still safeword, others don't even retain that right. They just take what the Master gives them. Again, it depends on the individuals and their agreements/contracts. <br />
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You will find a lot of slaves wear a collar 24/7 that is locked and the Master holds the key and is the only one who can remove it. It signifies ownership. Others wear collars only at home or at clubs and kinky events and may not have locks. I would go on about M/s relationships but since I have never personally been in one, I don't feel I have the education to give :)<br />
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Now for our dynamic. We are in a D/s relationship. I am his sub, his slut and he is my Dom or my Sir. I wouldn't say we are 24/7, but we don't just limit our D/s dynamic to the bedroom or scenes. Kinda in between. I am independent when it comes to my life. All decisions are mine and soley mine when it comes to my career, my daughter and my money. Even in our relationship I have a say. But generally when it comes to the wide scope of our relationship and where we are headed, I feel Sir has final say. He will listen and takes my feelings into consideration, but makes the ultimate decision. <br />
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As for what he has control of. The best way to describe it, LOL, when he wants to use his power over me- he does! Perfect example: this past weekend we went out with some friends. He ordered me to kiss them both. If not, I would have to drink a shot of tequila. Lets just say, I was pretty tipsy so another shot, especially tequila (we don't get along), I didn't want or need it! I told Sir "no. That's not me! I'm not the aggressive type. I wait for others to come to me!" I got the famous response "I'm the Dom!" Uh oh! "But...", "OK, I'm getting you that shot", "No, no, no! I'll do it Sir!" <br />
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I'll have you know I did complete my task! Yet I found myself taking a double shot of wild turkey. Why? Well, I completed half of the task and kissed one, then I went over to the other and made the mistake of telling them about my task. So they decided to play hard to get so I had to take a shot ;) So instead of kissing me, they ordered me a shot of wild turkey. Then here comes Sir, "make it a double cause that's not what I told you to drink." <em>But I didn't order it!!! </em>Dammit! I get in even more trouble cause of anothers actions! Always something! I got my kiss after I took the shot though. Rule of thumb- subbies never win!!!! But if we did then I guess that would defeat the whole purpose of submission, wouldn't it :)<br />
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Basically Sir dominates me when he feels like, where he feels like it! Way to abuse your power LOL. If he feels like pulling my hair out of the blue, he does. Or slaps my leg, ass, chest. Whenever the mood strikes- smack! But who am I to complain? I wouldn't have it any other way! It's exciting- really shows me he is the one in control of things. HOT!<br />
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If we move in together, I don't see it really turning into a true 24/7 dynamic. We enjoy our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship as well. So having a true 24/7 dynamic would eliminate that which neither of us wants. I think everything would continue as it is. Except for the amount of hot, kinky sex being had would increase drastically! Hehehehehehehe<br />
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Although I am not a slave I do view myself as his property. I do wear a collar. I don't know why but the thought of being someones property turns me the fuck on! When it comes to sex that is! The thought of me being HIS personal sex slave to do with as he pleases just drives me wild. I don't get off on being just some random slut who will put out for anyone. But to be his slut , willing to do anything for just him- HOT!!!!! You get the idea. <br />
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As for titles- generally most address Doms as Sir and Master is only used in a more committed relationship or M/s dynamic. But Sir sees it differently. He sees the title Master as being thrown around too much by everyone and feels it has lost its importance. So he prefers I call him Sir. Others call him Master while I am the only one who has the honor at this time to call him Sir. Thay may seem odd to others since its kinds backwards from the majority, but every couple is different. <br />
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Now I'm going to explain something that is very unique about our dynamic. Only because it's so new to me, actually both of us! It's not for some people- but we've found it works wonderfully for us and it is a huge part of our dynamic so I feel I have to include it. As most of you know by now, we are poly. We feel it is OK, natural actually to be involved with more than one at a time emotionally. We have been poly as long as we have been together- so a little over a year. People have come in and out of our lives. Nothing serious. Sir has had a play partner before and continues to meet great friends. I on the other hand, have yet to really go out and find another partner. I hadn't had the drive to before and really hadn't met anyone that truly interested me. Basically I have been in the poly dating scene and haven't had any luck! <br />
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Recently, I have met a couple people that actually interest me! So that is a first in my book. Don't know where it will end up going. But they are great people and I have so much fun when I do hang out with them. Oh, and talk about attraction :) I'm attracted to them alright. I'm at a point I think where I am finally ready to start to explore my poly side. I felt like I had to establish a very strong relationship with Sir first considering he is my primary and the love of my life! Now that I know we are solid and happy, I feel I can start to open up to possibilities, whatever they may be.<br />
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Well I hope this post helped you understand dynamics a bit better. Just remember, it's your choice how you want your relationship to go. You don't have to try and fit into a cookie cutter mold of a relationship. Make it yours!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-28202430717644674692012-01-27T23:41:00.000-08:002012-01-27T23:41:42.860-08:00No Bullshit Guide: What Submission Is/ Isn'tWhat is submission anyways? That's like asking what hue of purple is the true color purple! It's all in the eye of the beholder. We all bring something different to the table. What one views as the perfect submissive, another may find horrid. Honestly, I find it easier to explain what submission is NOT. <br />
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Lets start with the definition of submission: to yield or surrender oneself to the will or authority of another. <br />
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The most common misconception I have found about subs is that we are weak and can't think for ourselves. If you look at the definition, you see the word surrender, which means to relinquish control. That implies it is a choice. Which means we do think for ourselves. Subs are the ones who make the decision to hand over control. So yes, we do have minds of our own. Also in my humble opinion, anyone that feels giving up control is for the weak- you are sadly mistaken! For someone to be able to trust another human being enough to give them control- takes strength. We are not mindless weaklings. <br />
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Another important thing to remember- submission, D/s is consensual. Submission does not mean that the one receiving your trust can make you do whatever you want no questions asked; Unless that is what you have agreed upon. Limits should be set. You as the sub establish your limits. You choose your safe word. EVERYTHING is consensual. If not then you need to get out of the situation immediately because that is abuse! <br />
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Let me clarify- when it comes to first establishing a connection limits should be set and honored. Once you actually enter a D/s or M/s relationship them limits can be tested and pushed if you have agreed upon it and your relationship involves such things. Best way to explain it: you as a sub always have a right to communicate and have input on where you want things to go. I'm not talking TPE here ;)<br />
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Now as for what submission IS. I feel it is a very intimate, personal experience. So I can only share my point of view, how I personally submit. Before I get in too deep let me explain something. There are two separate ways to submit- physically and mentally. To me the kinks or play that you are involved in, that's the physical side. Such as: bondage, flogging, spanking, whipping. Then there's the mental side, the willingness and wanting to please, the mindset you are in as you serve, the rules you follow, the rituals or tasks you perform. For the remainder of this post when I speak of submission I am referring to the mental side of things, not the physical. <br />
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Here we go :) There are three important aspects to my submission. One, a willingness to please and serve Sir not only for him but for the greater good of our relationship. Second, it truly is who I am 100%- my personality, only magnified. Third, it satisfies not only my mental happiness but my sexual happiness as well. To me D/s is very sexual. For some it is not sexual at all- me, oh it so is! <br />
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In my opinion in order to be submissive you have to have a natural want to please another. At times you may be asked to do things that are not your favorite or you would never do unless you were pushed into. If you don't have that want to please you may find you end up walking away saying "fuck that shit! I'm out!" Then again I also think it takes finding the right person as well. You have to be with someone you WANT to please. <br />
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I find myself in tough situations now and again. But I know that Sir has my best interest in mind. He doesn't normally demand things, difficult things, unless there's a purpose behind it. So knowing I'm pleasing him by being out of my comfort zone keeps me going. That and trusting him, knowing he has my/our best interest in mind, that's what drives me. It's strange to say but a lot of the things I should do just for myself are more likely to get done if Sir demands it. For some reason if I personally set goals for myself I don't feel they are important enough to reach. Such as eating healthy, going to bed when I'm tired, going back to school. Like I feel I am not important enough to set my goals. But if Sir tells me to, it's like it's been validated. I have a reason to do it then. Sir said so and it will please him. Whereas when I want to do it for myself it doesn't seem so important. I feel almost selfish that I would think to put my own desires first. That's my nature though :) I'm a people pleaser. <br />
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As far as I know, I have always been more shy, introverted, withdrawn. I have always put others needs before my own. I'm a natural follower in all relationships, friendship included. But I grew up in a family of strong females. I was taught that women speak softly and carry a big stick. If you are an outsider looking in on my family you would assume that the women are very old fashioned, timid, and the men are in charge and are the breadwinners. When actually behind closed doors the women wear the pants and all the men know it! They know not to argue with any woman in my family because Momma is in charge! <br />
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I am very different. I don't want the control, I run from it! It makes me nervous and out of sorts. I am a much better follower and supporter. I am not a leader in any way shape or form. I feel most comfortable in a submissive role. So being in a D/s relationship allows me to be the true me. I don't have to apologize for being somewhat timid. I don't have to be the one in charge, unless Sir demands it which he does from time to time :) "You make the decisions today!" Yes Sir! <br />
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Don't get me wrong, not all aspects of D/s are sexual to me. But a lot of it is! I'm not saying that I immediately get turned on when Sir says "get me a cup of water!" but it sure helps me get warmed up :) It's not the actual demand that is a turn on, it's the control he has over me. The control is what turns me on. Nothing makes me melt like when I make a smart ass remark and Sir gives me the look. You know the look! The look that says "Did you forget who's in charge? Oh, you crossed the line on that one and will be punished". That look!!! Knowing that he truly has control of the relationship and me and that I let him have that control over me! That he can take whatever he wants whenever, wherever he wants it. That to me is fucking HOT!!! That excites me as much, if not more than when he actually touches or kisses me. Needless to say, I am always on edge around him. So it is a very sexual thing for me. <br />
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There is so much to submission. I think I just touched the tip of the iceberg. I may have to do another post on this after I'm done. I could go on and on. Plus I'm sure I've forgotten half of what I wanted to include in this post LOL. So I will just have to come back to this topic at a later date.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-4359040600174710722012-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:002012-01-20T22:26:34.711-08:00No Bullshit Guide: TerminologyAlright! Lets get this post over with so I can get back to my creative roots! Don't get me wrong, terminology is important- but I feel like I'm writing a book report. I hate to just feed people facts- I prefer to write whatever comes to mind. This is putting a damper on my creativity ;) So let's go! <br />
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Now, I'm not going to go over EVERY single term there is when it comes to BDSM. There are way too many! I will go over what I think are the most important and most commonly used to get you started. I'll also post a few links for you all to look at that go into more detail about the lifestyle and each individual fetish and such. Ready?! I'm ready!!!<br />
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FYI- these are my definitions. Others opinions may differ.<br />
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<u>BDSM- </u>an acronym that stands for B&D- bondage and discipline, D&S- Dominance and submission, S&M- sadism and masochism. It refers to the acts of, or participating in activities that include: bondage (being restrained, physically, by devices such as rope or cuffs), discipline (the process of punishing or being punished), dominance and submission, sadism and masochism (which I will go over in a bit)<br />
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<u>Top- </u>a person who takes on the dominant role for the duration of a scene. The one administering the bondage, discipline etc. (Not to be confused with a Dom, generally this only refers to a particular scene and not a relationship between a Dom and sub)<br />
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<u>Bottom- </u>a person who takes on the submissive role for the duration of a scene. The one on the receiving end of bondage, discipline etc. (Not to be confused with a sub, generally this only refers to a particular scene and not a relationship between a Dom and sub)<br />
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<u>Sadism- </u> deriving pleasure from causing pain, suffering or cruelty.<br />
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<u>Masochism- </u> receiving pleasure from mental, emotional or physical pain or humiliation. <br />
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<u>Dominant- </u>(Dom) refers to a person that takes control of a person or situation through usage of some means (physical, mental, financial) or to exercise this power. A person who exercises this power on a regular basis outside of BDSM scenes. (Dom for a man; Domme or Dominatrix for a woman)<br />
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<u>Submissive-</u> the act of yielding to something or someone. A person who submits on a regular basis outside of BDSM scenes that retains freedoms and rights. <br />
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<u>Master- </u>one that has control of another, generally a slave. The owner or keeper of property. (usually this is a long term relationship; a serious commitment where there are detailed contracts or agreements) <br />
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<u>Slave- </u> generally refers to a very involved D/s relationship. A person who has surrendered their personal property and freedoms to another. The difference between a slave and a submissive is the degree of submission.<br />
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<u>Switch-</u> a person who has a preference for being both submissive and dominant in their BDSM activities. Usually not at the same time. They may be submissive with one individual and dominant with another. <br />
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<u>Daddy-</u> a dominant individual who is a father figure to the submissive. Also can refer to a sensual Dom, one who is more into nurturing. <br />
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<u>24/7-</u> stands for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It identifies a relationship with round the clock Dominant and submissive dynamics. <br />
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<u>TPE (total power exchange)- </u>refers to a relationship where the Dominant has complete authority and influence over the submissives life, making the majority of decisions. <br />
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<u>Fetish-</u> attraction or attachment to an idea or object.<br />
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<u>Scene-</u> a division of time that encapsulates a BDSM activity, ranging from a few minutes to several hours. Also can be used as a verb; to "scene" with someone implies you have been or will be involved with someone for the scene. Also can refer to the BDSM community.<br />
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<u>Munch- </u>a gathering of people into BDSM usually in a vanilla setting such as: at a restaurant, coffee shop to meet and talk. <br />
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<u>Dungeon-</u> refers to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.<br />
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<u>Play Party-</u> a BDSM event where many people engage in "scenes". <br />
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<u>Safeword-</u> a word or phrase used for communication in a scene. Most commonly it is used by the submissive to end a scene because of pain or other problems. A lot use three terms: green (meaning "go ahead. I'm fine") yellow (meaning "slow down") and red (meaning "stop immediately"). Or you may establish a safeword you prefer before a scene. <br />
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<u>Sub space-</u> a natural high a submissive gets during a scene or when being controlled. Subs may feel disconnected from time, space and or their bodies. <br />
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<u>Limit-</u> an activity a person will refuse to participate in. (hard limits are limits that are firm, and not mutable with circumstances. Soft limits are limits that are negotiable under certain circumstances)<br />
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<u>SSC- </u>stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual.<br />
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<u>Vanilla-</u> a term coined by the BDSM community to describe "normal" (non- BDSM) folks. <br />
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I hope this helps the newbies out there a little :) <br />
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Below I have included a few links I feel are interesting and helpful. <br />
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<a href="http://www.bdsm-education.com/terminology.html">http://www.bdsm-education.com/terminology.html</a> A short list of terms<br />
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<a href="http://www.differentequals.com/glossary.html">http://www.differentequals.com/glossary.html</a> A list including numerous fetishes<br />
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<a href="http://soj.org/">http://soj.org/</a> Society of Janus- a site EVERYONE should visit. They are a not-for-profit organization in San Francisco devoted to educating and supporting people who are interested in learning about BDSM. <br />
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Well, I hope you enjoyed this post. I know I will have much more fun writing my next post: what submission is and what it is not. Coming soon!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-78677169696079858172012-01-14T21:03:00.000-08:002012-01-14T21:03:49.100-08:00No Bullshit Guide To SubmissionI recently had a reader contact me about submission. She's new to the "lifestyle" and is wanting to learn how to be submissive. I have had many contact me before, which is why I finally decided: what the hell! I'll write about it on my blog. But first I have to say, no one can "teach" you how to be submissive. I feel you are or you aren't. So I can't teach anyone to be submissive, but I can give you the tools to work with. <br />
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I also want to point out that I am not all knowing lol. So please do not think I am sitting on my high horse saying "this is how it's done". There is one thing you need to know about Dominance and submission, and that is there is no right or wrong way of doing it. So I will try to keep things as general as possible while talking about the different aspects of submission. But me being human, and since this is my blog- chances are my own spin will come into play. Just know that submission is not one size fits all. This is Mariposa's size. You can take what you want and change what you don't like in your own relationships. <br />
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When I started my blog, one of my intentions was to educate people on the lifestyle. So many have such a narrow view of BDSM- I want to do my part to open their minds. So I view this as my way of giving back to the BDSM community. But I'll be honest- I'm a straightforward person. So if you are looking for someone to take you by the hand and gently show you the way, go elsewhere. This is the no bullshit guide! Hence the name ;) <br />
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I'll be doing a series of posts on submission. So far I have five categories I'm going to post on: terms, what submission is/isn't, different dynamics, bottoms vs. sub vs. slave and establishing limits/safe words/communication. As I start writing I may add to it. But at this point those are the topics I will cover. Also anyone that wants to add to it, please comment. I'm all for others opinions and take on things. I am here to help anyone that wants info. So you can also e-mail me if there is a certain question you have or a topic you want me to cover. You can find my e-mail on my contact me page. <br />
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I'm really excited to write about this actually! So I thank my reader for inspiring me! Here goes nothing :) More to come soon.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3457622335600629684.post-28982198718158108472012-01-11T21:09:00.000-08:002012-01-11T21:09:52.248-08:00Back To The BasicsI know I'm a little behind when it comes to deciding to "make a change" at the beginning of the year. A resolution if you will. The reason? I don't believe in New Year resolutions. I believe in making changes that will last; not spur of the moment decisions just because I feel motivated at that particular instant. It just so happens this weekend I had a little epiphany that provoked me to think about my life and where I'm headed. <br />
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I've gone through big changes in the past two years. After deciding to take my life back into my own hands and get a divorce- I've done a lot of growing. I thought I had healed, laid my demons to rest. I realized that these past couple years were my time to heal and actually get back on my feet. I was in limbo- waiting for life to get back to normal. I've slowly been gathering the scattered puzzle pieces that used to be me. It's finally a complete picture. <br />
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I admit I'm not one for patience. When I want something, I want it NOW. So these last two years have been trying. I wanted my life to be instantly better. But life doesn't work that way. I've had to literally start over. I lost half of the income I was used to. I lost my house and my relationship, my marriage. That in itself was hard to swallow. I had committed my life to this man and in an instant- BAM- I'm alone. Part of the healing process for me was learning that it's OK to be alone. Once I realized that, I could move forward and start to regain MY life back. I've had to pay back huge amounts of money that I was left with. I had to move back in with my parents in order to make ends meet. I'm back at square one, with a child at that. But the best thing about it- there's an end in sight. Finally, this year- in about 6 months, financially, I will be in a great place. In a years time I will be in a WONDERFUL place! Words cannot explain how happy that makes me. Finally I am seeing results! I HAVE been getting somewhere! It's like this 5 ton elephant that I've been carrying on my back- is gone! The fruits of my labor are blossoming and growing.<br />
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I can now completely make the life I want to. Everything I want- I can go after. I can be content knowing I have control of every decision going forward. That being said, this weekend I actually sat down and asked myself: <em>Mariposa, if you could live the perfect life- what would that look like to you? </em>One word came to mind- simplicity. I'm a very straightforward simple being. I'm not flashy, proud, materialistic- hell lets just get to the truth. As Sir would say- I'm a hippie. Yes Sir I said it. I admit it, I'm a hippie. Don't get me wrong, I love being girly and there are a few material things I can't do without. I'm not saying I want to stop taking showers to save water and go without makeup and refuse to wear a dress because "society" says I have to fit into a mold. But at the end of the day, the majority of the things that the typical American wants- I don't. I'll take simplicity any day over the things I've felt pressured into liking by society.<br />
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Sir and I spent a night in San Francisco this weekend. I love that city. Yes it's dirty and busy and crowded. But it's so full of life! I always feel so much more grounded after a trip to SF. In one city you can encounter people from every walk of life. From a homeless person to a hooker to a college student to a trendy housewife to a CEO. And I haven't even mentioned all the cultures you come in contact with! It's a beautiful thing. I happen to love diversity; I feel you can learn a lot from a diverse crowd. Every individual can teach you something. Yes, even the homeless man! He can teach you to be content with what you have- a roof over your head, clean clothes and food in your belly. Just as the CEO can teach you to slow down and have a good time in life. You realize all the money in the world can't buy happiness. <br />
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I did a lot of people watching on our trip. So this week while I was at work I began thinking about all I encountered and now that there is an end in sight- I asked myself what would truly make me content in life? Easy- a place of my own, the ability to support my family and great, loving people in my life. In other words, the basics. Not a mansion or expensive car. Not brand name clothes, shoes and purses. Not a list a mile long of "friends" on facebook. No, what I want is simple. So my goal this year is to get back to the basics and live the way I enjoy- simply. That brought three things to mind: where I want to live, if I want to/feel the need to go back to school/make more money and if I need to be more social. <br />
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As I said, at the moment I am back living with my parents. I'm a very independent person- so for me to live with my parents at 28 years old, not really digging it. It was fine at first, but the longer I stay here the more my privacy is invaded as is my relationship with my daughter as a mother. I'm not only the youngest in my immediate family, I am in my extended family as well. Everyone seems to think since I made such a horrible decision the first time around with my ex husband that I am not fit to make decisions on my own when it comes to important things in life: such as what is best for MY daughter. I'm tired of unwanted and hypocritical advice. Needless to say- I need my own space to escape and have a family unit of my own. <br />
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Now that I am getting to a place where I can support myself again- I am able to actually think about where I want to move. Let's be honest here. I'm a single Mom. Money isn't just falling from the sky, so I have to be choosy of where I live. It can't be too expensive but it needs to be a nice, safe place. I think I've found such a place. I first saw it about 10 years ago while I was still thinking in my mind that I would live a Sex in the City lifestyle; a bachelorette for life, no kids. But after meeting my ex I went on my way in life and forgot all about my bachelorette pad. I thought about that place off and on and how much I loved it, I was just drawn to it. But over the last 5 years it never entered my mind. <br />
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I started searching for places to live this past week. I don't know why I keep searching because the same damn places pop up every time! I had made a decision on where I was going to look first. Then one day, out of nowhere in my usual search- up popped my bachelorette pad! It brought back all those wonderful thoughts again. So I've been driving by it different times of the day to check it out lol. I have no idea why but this place just calls to me. It's close to the school I want my daughter to go to and it's also within walking distance of the dance studio she will go to. Also they have the most awesome organic bakery down the street! I have visions of waking my daughter to her dance class and stopping at the bakery on the way home for a treat. I hope all works out. I need to go and actually check the place out before I make any decisions but it definitely is my first choice at the moment. <br />
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As for school. Right after my divorce my whole family told me "you need to go back to school so you can support yourself. You are on your own now." Hold up! First off, I am the one that all through our marriage kept the job that supported us while he lost job after job! Second, I may not be rich but the amount I make is nothing to laugh at. Third, I like my job! Yes, there may be some annoying coworkers but what job doesn't have those? I've worked there since I was 20- they are like family. They've seen me through a marriage, pregnancy and divorce. I've essentially grown up before their eyes. I came in as a young naive 20 year old, fresh out of college looking for part time work until I found my "dream job" and now I am a 28 year old mature woman who has had a hell of a time these past few years. If I'm happy at my job and OK with the amount that I make- why keep pushing myself to go further? Why stress myself for nothing? <br />
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I will admit- I do want to go back to school. One achievement I will aim for in my life is getting a degree. But I don't feel it is the right time for me to go back to school. I've been taking everyone elses advice since my divorce and not following my own heart. I honestly need a break, I need time to regroup. I've been healing these past few years- and adding all this other stress has not helped me. So I am going to go with my heart this time and wait a little bit before going back to school. Since there is no rush, I need to take a breather. I'll revisit the idea of school in a few months. <br />
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Now as for my social skills. I am a very shy, introverted person. I'm a bit of a loner. I feel much more comfortable doing things alone or hiding in the background. But I see Sir and how social he is and how many friends he has and I want that! Alright, so nine times out of ten I would rather be alone in a corner reading or writing, but there are those times I want to go out and be with friends. I used to be a very social person. So it kind of bothers me that I'm not as social anymore. I've finally accepted my introvertedness- I know that's who I am and just need time alone a lot. But I also know I need to make more of an effort to go out with friends. Especially now that I have such nurturing friends- I need to make sure those relationships continue. <br />
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I figured out my problem, why I don't socialize as much as I would like. Due to years of being brainwashed in bad relationship after bad relationship- I don't see my own worth. I think people really don't care to be around me. Then I come to and think "wait a minute. You are pretty awesome! Anyone that wouldn't want to hang out with you isn't worth your time." So I am making more of an effort to be the one who initiates the socialization. That is still a work in process. <br />
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Who am I kidding? That's all life is! A work in progress. I feel everyday is a gift given to me to become the best person I can be. That takes growth. Growth takes looking inward. Looking inward takes strength and strength equals growth. I will be a work in progress til the day I die :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0