Well I have a task from Sir. I figured, why not kill two birds with one stone and turn it into a blog post?! Genius right? Yes, I know I am. :p Anywho, Sir asked me to answer five questions. They are some things I have talked about on here and things Sir and I have talked about in the past- but I feel it is always good to go back and revisit. In D/s relationships I think it is very important to go over these things every once in a while because people change and the more experiences you have in the lifestyle, things move from your curious list to your completed list. Goals change, wants and needs become different. So here are my five questions :)
How were you introduced to the lifestyle and how old were you?
Well I was a late bloomer. I didn't officially become part of the "lifestyle" until two years ago. So I was 26. I didn't really know anything about the lifestyle. I happened across it in a book that I was reading at the time. At first I was shocked and had to put the book down. I couldn't imagine enjoying being spanked and controlled. But it stayed in my head. Then I realized that I actually like dominant men! All the men I had dated were dominate in some way and I had dabbled in a few things here and there in BDSM.
So I looked up everything I could online about BDSM. I immediately felt at home. It was what I was missing in my life. I found a "dating" site for kinksters. I met and talked to quite a few Doms on there. I wouldn't say I became part of the actual lifestyle, community until I joined fetlife. One of the Doms told me about it and also when we met, we happened to meet at Wicked Grounds in San Francisco. That was my first taste of real life kinksters. He also showed me where Citadel was. He opened my eyes to all the things out there for the community. Once on fetlife I began to learn a lot more about the lifestyle. That's when I met Sir and here we are today!
What intrigues you most in the lifestyle?
It's the same thing that drew me to the lifestyle in the first place- the mental aspects. Yeah, playing is fun. I enjoy it, but it's the mental aspects- the roles, the control, the mindset that intrigues me. I'm not in it just to be spanked and flogged and whipped. I view that as an extension of the D/s dynamic, the control. If I just wanted to be spanked I wouldn't take the time and effort to be a sub, be in a D/s relationship. I would just go find a pro Dom and have a spanking session- no strings attached. But that does nothing for me. I need that mental connection.
So maybe it isn't so much just the mental aspect that intrigues me- I think it is more the control. I love the fact that Sir has control when it comes to our relationship. When I hand over control to him it makes me feel safe and actually relieved. So I love for him to show me that control from time to time. I like having reminders during the day that Sir is in control and I serve him. That's why I enjoy rules and tasks- control. I love the fact that I am so close to him that I trust him with my life and my mental well being. It takes a lot to get to that level with someone. I feel you can only accomplish that in a D/s relationship. You are forced to hand over more control than what you may be comfortable with. You are forced to learn to trust your partner with your life. You explore things most never dream of together. That will build quite the bond. Nothing compares to a relationship like that.
What do you want to try most in the lifestyle?
Boy, that's a tough one. There are a lot of things I want to try. But one in particular that stands out from all the rest? Well, the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind is to be topped by two Doms at the same time. Think about it- not one but TWO people controlling you! How exciting! HOT!!! At least to me. The problem though is it is tough to find two Doms you trust that much and that their personalities mesh and you are attracted to. It takes a very particular type, which is why I have yet to come across another that I would want to top me. Also, not my call ;)
What is the most desirable trait in a Dom that you look for?
Is it my imagination or are these questions progressively getting harder to answer? Just one trait? Boy! Well if I have to choose just one then I would have to say the ability to communicate well. If I can communicate well with a Dom than I know that my needs and concerns will be heard and acknowledged. Also he is able to explain to me in a way I can understand what he wants from me. But things on the list after that? he he- confident, controlling, understanding, loving yet strict. Yeah I could go on but that would take hours.
What in a female partner, whether it's a play partner or lover, do you find the hottest and the worst?
Oh, in case you didn't know- I'm bi. Just figured I'd throw it out there. I would have to say the thing I find the hottest is confidence. I think it's because that is not a quality I possess so I wish for my partners to have it. Confident, not cocky! Huge difference. The worst trait- drama. I don't like to talk about people and their problems. I don't like to listen to bitching. I don't like guilt trips. I'm not your typical girl and I so do not want to get caught dating a typical girl! That is the reason I do not have that many female friends- I just don't like the attitudes of most. There are more important things in life than talking about a coworker gaining 10 pounds! I don't care. Blah! Oh and great boobs don't hurt either! Come to find out I'm a breast girl.
So there you have it! Task complete! Hey Sir, you know maybe you should answer these questions as well! Please? Only fair right? Well at least questions two and three :D