Friday, August 26, 2011

What's In A Collar?

Recently my creative side has taken hold of me. I have been a little at war with myself because of it actually. You see, I've recently become obsessed with making necklaces, well collars actually. To any vanilla person they look like a necklace- even a kinkster wouldn't know they were "collars" unless you pointed it out. Since my actual collar is only worn at events and such, kink friendly environments, I wanted something I could wear daily and not be questioned about it. I mean, I'd love to get one like I have seen so many others wear but it would be hard to explain out of nowhere, why I have a solid piece of steel on my neck that you can't take off unless it's physically cut off of me. Maybe later :) But now, that would raise some eyebrows.

So I figure, why not make something myself? Then the war started. To me a collar is not something to be taken lightly. Also, I don't think of a collar as something only linked to a "scene" or my kinky side. If I am a collared sub, I am collared- period. It's not something that only defines my D/s relationship, it also defines my bf/gf relationship with Sir. So since it means so much to me, I have a hard time wearing something I myself as a sub made. I feel like anything that represents a collar, no matter what it may be, Sir should be the one to gift me with it. It's his call, his collar- not mine. I am just lucky enough to be the sub on the receiving end that he feels deserves that honor. So for me to be like "hey! I'm gonna make myself a collar." seems wrong in so many ways. Of course, I asked Sir's opinion and he does not mind. Actually he likes that I am creative enough to make necklaces. So with his OK I feel a little better.

So I searched and found the perfect idea for a collar! I went to the store to buy my supplies with a vision. I wanted something I could wear on a daily basis that wasn't over the top, but different. I got home, made it, loved it- then me being the perfectionist that I am, picked it apart shortly after. I made another one, not perfect; made another, still not perfect. 4 necklaces in, I'm still making them! Again, I'm at war. I think I should only have one and not just change collars like they are socks! But I love every single one I made for different reasons. But I still feel bad because not only am I a sub making my own collars, now I have an abundance of them!

Then I sat down and thought about it. I realized, it's not the actual piece of jewelry that is important- it's the thought behind it that matters. Think about it, you go to parties and you see tons of girls wearing bondage collars as fashion accessories. It's obvious they are unattached, yet just because they are kinky they wear a collar. It means nothing, it's basically just a necklace. Then you see a couple and it's obvious the collar the person is wearing was given to them by their Dom/me. Immediately it becomes more than a fashion accessory- it's a symbol, a show of ownership. It's the intent and thought, not the actual piece itself that holds importance. So now, I feel a bit better about making collars. But me being the person I am, I can't stop now! So I figure- hey if anything I can start a little side project and make collars :) Right now, it's just a hobby.

After thinking about all that- it got me thinking about what exactly a collar means to me. Also I realized exactly how much thought I put into it when I make the collars. First off, I believe collars are open for interpretation just like everything else in the lifestyle. It's meaning is different for every couple. So this is only my personal view, in my particular relationship. When it comes to collars, they are not something I only use during play. I am a sub 24/7- it is part of me. My role as a sub is in no way predominant in everyday life, but it is still there. So I feel if I am given a collar in my D/s dynamic, it would only make sense that would include my bf/gf relationship. I see it as the Dom's property- it is his and his alone. He can give and take it as he pleases. Him giving me his collar is an honor because I feel it shows he is not only happy with me as a sub, but as a girlfriend as well. He is happy to call me his and wants others to know I am his. It is a symbol that I please him and have become what he wants me to be. I also view it as a constant reminder of his control over me and my choice in letting him have that control. To me it is an honor to receive a collar and I feel that much more inclined to do all I humanly can to be the best that I can be. I wear Sir's collar with pride. Humbly of course :) You must always be humble. That is my personal belief anyway; if not you lose sight of the important things.

Like I said I put a lot of thought into making these collars. I am huge on symbolism. So every piece I create is filled with symbolism- it speaks volumes. First off I think of the materials I will use. I use a lot of chain, metal because it is a strong, solid material- it's hard to break. You can bend it and shape it, but it doesn't break easily. So to me chain, or metal, is a symbol of the hold (or control) that Sir has on me that I willingly give him. It's strong, but at any time if I no longer want it- I can break it. I usually select a heavy material as well, something with weight behind it. That way while wearing it, you can always feel it around your neck and know it is there. It is a reminder of my place as a sub and the control. Another reason I like metal is because it is cool. So during the day, at times I can feel the cold of the metal on my skin, another reminder.

Probably the most important part of my collars, is my charms. I found a great silver ring that can hold my charms and I can just switch out the chains, but still leave my charms on. That is the one thing that stays the same on all my pieces. I have three charms I always wear. The first is of course, a butterfly. I wear it for three reasons: I love butterflies, that is my name in the lifestyle and because of what butterflies symbolize; change, celebration, love and transformation. The second charm is the letter K. To anyone in my life, they just assume it stands for my last name, when actually it stands for Kinkyleather- Sir's name in the lifestyle. It symbolizes that I am his. The third has nothing to do with the lifestyle, but it is an important part of my life. I feel I should represent all my loves in my life on one piece. So I have a charm that has my daughter's name and birth date on it with her birthstone. Also, the noise made by the charms hitting one another is a little reminder as well of my collar and Sir's control :)

Needless to say, I am going to continue to make collars even if some find it completely wrong. it works for our relationship and Sir loves it. I will continue making things I love and I will continue putting thought into every piece I make. It's so much fun!!


  1. I like that you make your vanilla collars. I see it, in a way, as you taking hold of that bond that gift as you say, that he has given you.... taking hold of it and proving your devotion to it. You could just go without a day to day collar. You could simple assign a normal piece of jewelry to be your reminder. But instead you are crafting your own. You are creating a symbol of what it is that you have been given and what it is that it means to you.

    You are declaring your acceptance and love of this bond. And by being creative with it, by adding your own spiritual and emotional symbolism, you are making it more, making it fuller, more real.

    It may be his to give or take as he pleases. But it is still yours to receive. It is still your heart held within his chains.

    Many leave their hearts lying limp and weak in the center of their bondage, you are taking those chains and dancing with them.

    How could he not be pleased with this? ;)

  2. I have been contemplating making my own collar as I have been having trouble with the one I usually wear...My problem is string breaks and leather hates being forgotten while showering lol.
    What do you make your collars out of?

  3. Well I use metals. I don't wear my collars in the shower though. So I'm not sure how long it would hold up in a shower? But they do have supplies made out of sterling silver that I have been thinking about. I'm pretty sure the stuff I use is stainless steel or something so I don't know what water would do to it. I get all my supplies at the Michael's, they have a HUGE section. You could go crazy in there.

  4. Ik its been a while since you have commente don this post, but me being a dom, and looking for some collars for my slave, do you have a site or something where you sell these? Also what advice can you give my sub, as she is a little shy and not so proud of being a sub sometimes ( mostly in public or around people who she feels will "judge"

  5. (A different anonymous) I am also curious about what advice you'd give subs who are shy--- I am new to being a sub and it is my first time embracing it. Sometimes I'm so into it, and others I just want to run away. I am also worried if my dom only wants me as a "sub" or for me as myself, almost as though they could be separated somehow. I know I am turned on more than ever and that I do feel deep intimacy with my dom, but at times I am rather ashamed of my inclination and wonder if there's something wrong with me. What do you say to people like me??

    1. What I say is I feel a post coming on :) I still battle with the feelings you do. I see others do as well. I will work on that and post it to my new blog.


    Here is the link to my new blog :) I answered your questions on there. Hope it helps.