Sunday, December 9, 2012


Amorous: inclined or disposed to love.

           -A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

           - A feeling of warm personal attachment, or deep affection.
           - Sexual passion or desire.

What! The woman who is even afraid to admit that she’s capable of feeling emotions is talking about one of the strongest emotions a human can feel? Yep, I am! I’ve actually been questioning if I truly am polyamorous. I look at the definition of poly and I don’t fit it exactly. Then I look at the definition of monogamous and I don’t fit that either. Which leaves me to wonder……what the hell am I then?! Damn labels :p


I always seem to find writings that speak to me. No, they find me! I’ll start questioning something and then out of the blue I find something someone has written and it answers my questions, puts things in perspective. So there I was questioning what label I fall under when it comes to love….. and I come across this writing entitled “I’m Amorous”. The writer didn’t consider herself poly either and wasn’t sure if she was mono. So she ended it saying that she was “amorous”- not poly or mono. Simply amorous. Which if you look at the definition of amorous it means you are inclined or disposed to love. When I saw that I thought- that’s it! I’m amorous! Plain and simple! I am just a loving person. I feel different forms and intensities for everyone in my life. Then of course that got me thinking- which we all know leads to writing.....and endless research.
Now to my point :) I'm a huge history buff and I love language. Did you know that in most other languages there is a word for each type of love we can experience? But in the English language, as you can see above, we only have one which encompasses all types of love. We say "I love you" to a parent, or a child, or a spouse. It's the same exact expression muttered in all those situations.....but do we mean it in the same way with each individual? No, we don't. But as Americans I've found we generally link the word love, to romantic love. No wonder people freak out about the little four letter word! You say it to a friend of the opposite sex and it may start a fight! "Whoa! Wait, um no. We're not going there. We're friends!!" Then you have to explain "I didn't mean it that way! Chill!" It's just a mess.
I figured I'd share a bit of my knowledge- maybe help someone like I was helped when I read that woman's writing. Lets talk a bit about the different types of love. I know what you're thinking "Mariposa, where do you even start? Where do you go to identify these types of love?" Easy....the Greeks! Duh! Everything in history leads to Ancient Greece. It seems like everything in our damn world can be linked to Greece! Then again "Ancient Greece" does cover a 1,300 year timeline. A lot can happen in 1,300 years. But damn! That must have been a happening place. Think about it- our language is based a lot on Greek words. You take any word from the English language and you research back far enough- Greek origin! Then there's all the philosophers: Socrates, Aristotle, Plato. Sounds like the place to be back in the day! Intelligent, tan togas! Oh, and don't even get me started on the wine! You bet your ass that's where I'd be traveling if I lived then! Sorry, I got my geek of for a minute there.
Back to the point! According to the Greeks, there are 4 major types of love: eros, storge, philia and agape. "Mariposa, when did this turn into a history blog?" Shut it and learn something! Kidding :p It's all to explain my point, promise.
Also known as romantic or intimate love. The feeling of "being in love". An emotional bond is formed. This is the type of love most of us associate with the word love. It's how we feel towards a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. It also has to do with sexual attraction. But some view these as separate. Obviously we can be sexually attracted to another without "being in love" with them. But sexual attraction does fall under this type of love.
Also known as affectionate love or familial love. Such as love for a parent or child. It can also be used in the context of friends. Some "lovers" start off as friends and can't pinpoint the exact time when friendship became "love". Generally the friendship endures even after a breakup because the "love" is based on trust, understanding and fondness- not on sexual attraction and the feeling of "being" in love.
Also known as friendship. This form of love is based on joy of another's company and sharing hobbies. It has a lot to do with similarity in personality and interests. Similar hobbies + similar characters= joy and bonding, which equals friendly love.
Also known as unconditional love or love for humankind. This form of love either refers to love of ones fellow man (you know: brotherly love, peace, coexist, one love...Bob Marley....hippies!), or unconditional love. Love that brings forth caring no matter the circumstances. Sacrificial, constant, charitable.
Now that I've defined the different types of love, the different shades as I like to call them....I can tell you that I am lucky enough to have experienced all 4 of those types of love at some level. Sometimes I've felt more than one at a time and two hues mixed to make another beautiful shade. I love my family. It's a blend of storge and agape:familial and unconditional love. I've loved my partners- some eros, some storge, some agape. Or eros and storge. Or storge and agape. I've felt the sexual desire of eros without "being in love". I've been "in" love without the sexual desire. I've experienced friendship that turns into love(storge) and remained friends even after the relationship ended because I still value their friendship and their company.
I've loved friends and continue to love friends. I'm the type that makes very close friends. So I can honestly say I love ALL my friends at some level. Whether it be based on fondness or comfort or joy. Speaking of friendly love....wouldn't you know it. The minute I actually open up about my friend J, we have to go our separate ways. It was fun while it lasted. We had a lot in common, but some things you just can't control.
I also happen to be like the biggest hippie ever! Except I shower and wear deodorant. I love mankind! I love you just because you're human! I'm a huge believer of karma. I treat others the way I would like to be treated- with kindness and respect. Have you picked up on the common theme yet? Love. All these things I have experienced are love. Yes, they are at different intensities with completely different factors underlying the love. But they're still love.
Back to my question: am I polyamorous? Probably not. I tend to only be "romantically" involved with one person at a time only because I believe in focusing my attention on the ones I truly care for. If I were to be romantically involved with more than one, I'd have to split my time up amongst said relationships. But while in a romantic relationship I am then able to love others as say a friend. I'm able to be sexually attracted to more than one person and act on it. But my "heart" really only can be with one person at a time. I can only "be in love" with one because I give my all when I'm in a relationship. So by definition I'm not poly. Just as I am not monogamous. I crave love and friendship and fondness, comfort. I don't think you can get all of that from ONE human being. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone: to be EVERYTHING to someone. I honestly don't think it's possible. Which is why I'm open to the fact of being involved in one way or another with more than one man.
I used to be afraid of the word love. I avoided it like the plague. Like I said, I'm not one that shows emotion. I grew up learning that emotions equal weakness. So to admit to an emotion as strong as love?! Hell no! But then I got divorced. I was at a point where I hated the world and everyone in it. I thought love was this fake emotion that only existed in fairy tales. Then one day I looked at my daughter and it hit me. Love does exist. It's all around us. Family, friends, maybe even strangers. Love is real and I realized that I'm capable of feeling love and receiving love. I even went so far as to have "love knows no bounds" tattooed on my wrist. Somewhere where I can see it throughout the day. It serves asa reminder that love exists. It's true, love knows NO bounds. I continue to find it in the rarest of places. I experience it everyday of my different intensities, different shades.
So to answer my question: by definition I'm not polyamorous. I'm just inclined or disposed to love. Pure and simple: I'm amorous. I love you. Yes you! Oh and you....and get the point ;)

1 comment: