Sunday, May 27, 2012

Do We As Subs Actually Have a "Choice"?

I'll start off by saying- read the entire post before you get all uppity about the title :p I know it's our "choice" to actually submit and don't you forget it! I'm no doormat and I'll be damned if I let anyone think in their heart of hearts that subs are doormats! I'm looking out for us fellow subs ;)
I just had an interesting conversation with friend about free will. So it made me start thinking, cause he had some valid points! I'll expand on that later. For now, let me explain what type of sub I am so you can better understand where I am coming from.

I really don't think I'm all that different from the majority of subs- who knows, maybe I am! I can only speak for myself. If I had to choose only one kink, one driving force behind my submission it would have to be the need to please my partner; I'm a people pleaser. So when I'm involved with someone I want to do all that I can to please them in every way. Knowing that I am the one, the vessel that delivers that pleasure is what gets me off. (side note: if you are the same as me, make sure you trust your partner and stay safe! Being a people pleaser, we are more likely to be taken advantage of. Don't do it! Keep yourself safe! Use the head on your shoulders ladies :) you are worth it) Naturally that is a very vulnerable position to be in! If you are involved emotionally with someone, you want to please them even more and may end up doing things you don't want to because you are more susceptible to emotional manipulation. Which kinda takes away a bit of the free will. You may find yourself in a situation where your partner wants you to do something you are not comfortable with, or even refuse to do. Your partner knowing you are a people pleaser could play the "well, don't you want to please your Dom?" card and the next thing you know you are doing something you hate!

The above mentioned was one situation my friend talked about. I get it, I can see where that could happen and how that can be interpreted as taking away someones free will. But my argument is this: yes, you may choose to play that card. Yes, a sub may feel guilted into doing something. BUT- it's the sub that decides "OK, am I going to actually carry this task out? Or am I going to say fuck it and risk not pleasing my Dom?". The sub still has a choice in the matter. There are two options, it's their personal choice which way they want to go. In my mind you still have free will. Yeah, the sub may not like the outcome- but the sub still decides on their own which road to take. You have options; if there was only one choice then that would be a loss of free will. There are two options: how is that a loss of free will? Subs have brains of their own. As long as you have a functioning brain- you as an individual have free will.

Is the situation manipulative? Yes. Is it a jackass move? Yes. Is it a loss of free will? No- cause I could tell you at anytime to fuck off and walk away :) That's why it is so important as a sub to find a Dom you can trust and communicate with. If not- you could find yourself in a situation like that and end up emotionally scarred. Subs- always, always, always take the time to get to know a person before you get into D/s. A Dom should respect hard limits. Soft limits....well that's a little more tricky and depends on your dynamic and kinks and such.

Anyways! My opinion- there is no loss of free will. I feel that way because personally, yes I am a people pleaser, but if I don't feel comfortable with a situation, or just flat out don't want to do something I'll tell you to kiss my ass! I don't base my decisions on emotions. I'm a very logical thinker, so emotional manipulation doesn't work on me. I understand others make decisions based on emotions, so unfortunately I can't help you there. I'm not the emotional type so it's hard for me to grasp the concept.

Now for the second scenario my friend gave me. Say you are in a scene and you ask the Dom to touch you. In your mind you have a specific place you'd like to be touched, but you don't mention it. The Dom only gives you two options. "I'll touch your breast or your ass. Decide" But you really wanted him to touch your pussy. The Dom only gave you two choices- so your free will of being able to decide where you want to be touched has been taken. Is that considered having your free will taken from you? Well, now the lines are blurring. In my opinion yes and no. Yes, so my will of being able to specify where exactly I want to be touched has been taken away. But I made the choice to hand over my "free will" to you in a scene. So honestly, I still have free will. If I am subbing to you I freely chose to hand over my free will to you, right? 

The sub makes the decision to submit- so right there, they are using their free will. Without that then there wouldn't be a D/s dynamic and we wouldn't even be discussing this because there would only be a Dom standing there with no one to dominate. It's not until the sub makes the "choice" to submit that we have a D/s dynamic. If you are my Dom, then I've used my "free will" to "freely" decide to hand over my "free will" to you. Could I use the word "free" anymore in this post? I'm "free"...."free" falling! "free" your mind...and the rest will follow!

So all this "free will", "do subs actually have a choice"- moot argument! Done! Checkmate! Well there's my opinion! Let's hear what everyone else has to say. I love debates. They turn me on! So come on! I want to hear your opinion :)

1 comment:

  1. Oh you won't get any arguments from me! I couldn't agree more with EVERYTHING you said. Thank God there are still people in the world like you.