Wednesday, November 16, 2011


As you all know, Sir and I are in a poly relationship. Which means we are open to the other having multiple partners. But as time goes by, I am finding it difficult being an OWNED sub who is poly. The situation and the rules themselves that we have set are not difficult; it's trying to explain to others how our dynamic works. Most I have encountered that are poly don't really understand the whole "owned" thing. So they tend to get upset when I tell them "I am free to have other partners. As long as Sir gives me the OK." Some feel that defeats the purpose of a polyamerous relationship. I don't see it that way, we just practice it a different way.

Maybe Sir and I just have a weird dynamic. That or most of the people I've talked to just can't grasp the idea of D/s outside of the bedroom. Generally there are two ways D/s is practiced- some only have a D/s dynamic within a scene or bedroom only, it doesn't go past that. Others live a 24/7 lifestyle where D/s is in every aspect of their relationship. I guess you could say we are more 24/7, but not quite as strict. There are only certain aspects of our dynamic where Sir has control. We both have independent lives, we both work and support ourselves separately. We make most decisions on our own that only effect our lives; we will ask for the others opinion but leave it up to the individual to make the final decision.   But when it comes to any decisions having to do with our relationship or something that will effect both of us- I feel Sir has final say. When I say he owns me I mean it. I am his to do with as he pleases. So that applies to potential partners as well.

I've heard every question there is. "Well, what about your wants and needs? It sounds to me like he is the only one who gets what he wants. Isn't that kind of unfair? It will create problems down the line." First off, did you happen to forget that we are talking about dominance and submission? The focus is not for things to be "fair". As a submissive I choose to submit to another's authority. So how can it be fair? In order for it to be D/s you need a dominant and a submissive. You can't have two dominants or two submissives. One has to be the authority figure, the other has to submit to the authority. Am I wrong in thinking this is a simple concept to grasp? Second, yes I do have wants and needs and I do make them known. It just happens to be Sir's choice whether or not those wants and needs are met. I may be submissive, but I do have a brain of my own. I'm asked for input. Sir is the one that decides what would be best for our relationship.

It's not that my wants or needs are not addressed. I bring them to the table.  It's simple: Sir wants it, I want it. Sir doesn't want it, I don't want it. If I bring up something I want and enjoy and Sir does not get the same enjoyment out if it, it eliminates the joy I feel for it. So if Sir does not care for something- I lose interest. I live to please. So Sir's needs come first. My needs come from his. That's part of being a submissive; at least it seems to be a huge factor in a submissive's personality. (Might I add that when I talk about my wants and needs and Sir having final say- I mean needs in OUR relationship. If it is something like a hobby that I can do on my own, I am in charge of deciding that.)

"God! Don't you feel like you're in a prison?! Having to answer to another all the time?" Yes and no, we are not as strict as most. I don't think we ever will be even if we live together later on. Sir does not control EVERY aspect of my life. It all comes down to how much control you want to give up. Remember, consensual? Everything is agreed upon. So yeah you could view as a prison if you want. But you have to remember, I made the decision to enter that "prison". I walked in and asked to be imprisoned and  picked out my own cell. There's no lock either. The door stays open, I am free to leave at any time. But I make the choice to stay in my wonderful, comforting, warm, consistent, protective cell.

To summarize. Yes I may be poly. I am free to pursue others. It just so happens that I choose to yield to the authority of my Sir, my Master. After all he does own me- physically and mentally. Who better to decide what is done with their property than the owner himself? Yes I just referred to myself as property and I love it!

1 comment:

  1. I'm in a similar situation, and I usually deal with it by telling people honestly about my dynamic, but not focusing on it within my relationships. If someone wants to do something I don't have permission to do, I tell them I don't want to, or ask them to slow down. Yeah, it's true that Master has set the limit, but I don't want to cross it either. If I'm asked about it I will answer honestly that Master imposed a limit, but that doesn't happen all that often to be honest.

    Also, once I've entered into a relationship Master doesn't usually impose many limitations within it because he doesn't have a right to control someone else who is outside of our dynamic. It is one thing to control and limit me, but my partners didn't sign up for that and so usually he stays out of it except for the very early stages.