Yep, it's that time again. An inspirational post. Or what I hope is inspirational! It's been a while since I've written this type of post- then again I have been lacking inspiration :) I think I've found my inspiration again.
As you all know by now- I'm poly. But I have to be completely honest; this past year I really wasn't feeling the poly vibe. Don't get me wrong! I'm not saying I question if I'm poly- I know! I am wired that way, plain and simple. But I began to doubt my desires and beliefs when it came to polyamory. I thought I was the odd man out and maybe didn't understand what polyamory meant. Come to find out, it's not me that has the problem. It's the people I've encountered.
Every person I met this past year who claimed to be poly could be lumped into two categories. First, the type that say "yeah, I'm curious about polyamory. I think it's truly who I am." But when push comes to shove they can't handle "sharing" you. Second, "yeah, I'm poly! I have like 10 play partners and am always open to finding more. I just love sex!" Or in plain English "I'm using the term poly to sleep with whoever the fuck I want! I just want sex with whoever will take it!" Let me let you all in on a little secret. Come closer.....closer...... little closer
THAT'S NOT POLYAMORY!!!!!!!!
At least not in my book. Which explains the issues I've been having with the whole "poly" crowd. The majority of people I myself have come across say they are poly to hide behind a label so they don't have to admit they just like to sleep around. We view things completely differently. For the record I know there's no right or wrong way to be poly. I'm not here to judge others- so let me say this is MY opinion on what polyamory is.
I was very excited this weekend to meet a couple that views things the same as me! They helped remind me why I am poly and validated my feelings when it comes to being poly. Come to find out I'm not crazy! There are others out there like me! So thank you guys for reminding me of the benefits of being poly :)
So here's how I view polyamory. We all have the ability to love on many different levels. We are born with the ability to love many in multiple ways, at the same time. There's romantic love, brotherly or sisterly love, maternal love, friendship. They may be based on different things, but they are all love. We all love many people- the reason behind the love is what differs, not the emotion itself. Lets just look at the emotion love. The definition of love is: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. It doesn't specify affection for a boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, parent. It says for "another person". So honestly I feel we are all born polyamerous. We all are born naturally loving many at once and in many different ways. It just seems the focus of the term polyamory is on romantic love. I just view it as being in my DNA.
The only difference in my mind between me and a monogamous individual is that I choose not to limit my ability to love others romantically to one individual. Plain and simple! We are wired that way. Just as we are wired to be pack animals. We usually live in congregations, couples, families. We want to be part of a group, not alone. We all crave interaction with others. We are not lone wolfs. So when did someone decide that when it comes to a romantic connection, we are only allowed to have one at a time?! When did that become the "norm"? I never got a vote! I feel that it goes against human nature. I mean look at all the infidelity. Oh, don't get me started on that subject ;)
After a very valid question this weekend, I started thinking about what it is that I want in life. It was a very simple question but I didn't have an answer! I was asked what I was looking for when it came to relationships. I honestly sat there silent. I had no idea what to say. I'm not one for having expectations in life. Unfortunately life has taught me it's better not to have them, you're less likely to get hurt that way. But after thinking about it a bit- I realized that I may not have expectations, but I have hopes. I don't expect them to happen, no one knows what the future holds. I'm just on this ride called life! So I will share my "hopes" for what I am looking to find.
When I finally opened up and accepted the fact that I'm poly, I had this image in my head of what the perfect life would be like. It didn't involve forming individual relationships with many men. I didn't see it as a way to date casually. I've never been into the dating scene- I hate it. I'm one that craves solid, committed relationships. What I had in my mind was more of a family unit. Many partners that are all invested in the relationship as a whole. Where everyone cares for everyone else in some way. I wanted to find a group of individuals that had the same views as me. A group that I felt was open and honest and supportive.
That's a general description. I just want to be surrounded by positive, loving people. But like everything else in life- we continue to grow as individuals. The more we experience in life the more we whittle things down, pinpoint our desires and hopes. As I have more experiences being poly, I find I have a much better sense of what I want out of life. It's not as general now.
So if I could wave a magic wand and get the life I want, it may look something like this. Of course the person at the center of everything is Sir. Without him, none of this would be possible. He's not only my love, he's my best friend, my rock, one I know that would stand by my side through thick and thin. Fine! I'll just say it! My other half- it's out! I always gaged when others said that, turns out I just hadn't found my other half yet :)
A while back I thought a triad was what I wanted. But for some reason that didn't seem fulfilling enough and it has the possibility of one feeling left out or less than. It would be difficult with one person left alone while the other two have alone time. So I thought more about it this weekend and I think I can try to explain what I want. I hope that one day Sir and I can build a "family" of loved ones. There is no set number in my head. I just know that I would love to have more than one person that I love and loves me back and Sir as well. I'm not going to limit how many people I can love. As long as they are loving and supportive and safe and everyone gets along- I will welcome them with open arms.
Honestly, it would be very lovely to have another couple to form a committed relationship with. But I'm not out in search for it- if it happens, it happens. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Life will take me where I'm supposed to go :) All I know is I prefer a "pack" situation and not an individual relationship here and there. Here's to the new year. May everyone have a successful, love filled 2012!