There is one thing I am not! (side note: I am doing much better than I was when I initially wrote this post. I felt I should still share though) Don't mind me, I'm just venting. I can handle a lot of things, but one thing I will not put up with is someone attacking my character. I'm a pretty confident person. I'm not proud- don't get the two confused. I know after 28 years in the same skin, there's no one in this world that knows me better than myself. So call me what you will- I know who I am. I think that scares a lot of people- a person that is the strong, confident, silent type. Some feel unsure of themselves since we're hard to read and feel the need to attack so they feel better about themselves.
I'll tell you who I am with the utmost confidence! I'm lots of things. I'm stubborn, introverted, soft spoken, bitchy at times, selfless, nurturing, passionate, a little dense, naive, goofy, predictable/ creature of habit, blunt, forgetful, slow to forgive, high strung, committed, responsible, direct, a nonconformist, fearful, perseptive, warm, a procrastinator. That's who I am- the good and the bad. But there is ONE thing I am not and that is: fake.
Anyone who knows me well knows I am the farthest thing from fake! I am the most genuine person you will ever meet. I give my all to every person I come in contact with. I don't give a damn if you are just a stranger walking down the street! I will respect you and treat you with the kindness you deserve because you are a fellow human. So when someone I've actually invested time in comes at me with "be yourself" it erks me. So this is all I have to say: I am being myself. I can't be anything else BUT myself! So if you don't like what I'm putting out there- uh, go find someone you do like. Cause this hard headed bitch doesn't change for anyone! No, not even Sir and he'll tell you himself! If he doesn't like something about me- oh well. He has to be the one to decide if he can handle being around me. Cause with me, you get what you get. I don't care if God himself- or whoever you believe in- came up to me and said "hey! Fix this" I'd say sorry! You created me to be this way- not gonna happen.
Fake- seriously! No I am not fake. But I do tend to phrase things in a nicer way than how I really want to say them. I've learned in life that I am way too blunt and that hurts a lot of peoples feelings. So to save peoples self esteem I phrase things in a way as not to upset. I'm only blunt with people I know can handle it. The majority of society cannot. So I CHOOSE to supress that bluntness. Maybe people pick up on that aspect and that's where they get the vibe I'm not "being myself". But other than that, this is me. If you can't handle it then go.
Call me a bitch, whatever you want to think- I don't care. You don't accept me? Go find someone you can accept because people come and go in life. At the end of the day I answer to one person- me. So why change to please another? When they leave my life then I'm stuck unhappy because I became something I am not. Nope- been there, done that at a young age. Learned from my mistakes.
Growing up I was always an outsider. I had a few close friends. The reason is I didn't want to be a part of a group just to feel accepted. I saw how fake individuals could be and if that's what it entailed to be "accepted" then leave me out of it. Of course as a teen it upset me- I felt lonely at times. But as an adult- I don't care. I'm fine with being a "loner"- as long as I'm true to myself. That's what makes me happy- being me and having people in my life that accept me flaws and all. So anyone that comes in asking me to change, or can't handle me the way I am- good riddance! :)
Don't worry- I'll be back to my cheery self in my next post. Of course the subject matter does help with the cheery feeling: love!