We've all heard of that magical head space a sub can experience while in a scene. For me it's so magical, I can't even begin to describe it. But you know Doms! They HAVE to know every detail. Pretty much every Dom I have had the pleasure of submitting to has asked me the same questions, "what does it feel like? How do I get you there? What goes through your mind during that time?" Anyone who has experienced sub space, you know how difficult it is to describe. It's honestly something you truly have to experience to GET it. But I will try my best to put the magic into words.
First off, this is my personal description of sub space. It's something that is unique for every sub. Even unique to every scene. Some subs, in the beginning can't even achieve it or only certain people bring it on. Or it may take an extremely intense scene to get to that place. I was like that in the beginning. When I first entered the BDSM scene I played with many a random Dom. So it's never been something that was spurred on by a specific individual. But it would take a looooong, intense scene for me to get there- if I even did get to that point. But now after some experience I can achieve sub space much faster and sometimes all it takes is a certain phrase or gesture and I'm there.
I realized sub space for me, is very much contingent upon trust. Since I am much more selective with who I submit to now, I only choose people I have established trust with to play with. So I slip into that head space much easier. Knowing I can trust someone to keep me safe- I'm able to let go completely and just.....be. So first step is trust, second step happens internally. I have to "choose" to be in a submissive role. Kind of like flipping a switch or putting on a new hat.
I'm sexually submissive. In daily life, I'm a control freak believe it or not. I don't just walk around submissive 24/7. I have a life to live, a family to take care of. I wear a lot of hats. I have my work hat, my school hat, my Mom hat, my head of household hat. If you were to come up to me while I'm wearing any of those hats and say "on your knees, slut"- you would be punched. No, first you would get a response such as "Excuse me!!!" Then if you repeated yourself, you'd be bitch slapped. You don't mess with me when I'm doing my thang! I personally have to think "OK, I'm ready to wear my submissive hat now".
Alright- step one: trust, step two: decide to be in a submissive role, step three: I have to clear my mind of all distractions and be in the moment and prepare myself mentally to hand over control. You've hear of rituals right? Some Dom's have their subs go through rituals before a scene to prepare. Well, I have my own ritual that I go through I guess. It's something that I've pieced together from Dom's that I've played with. I took out what I don't like and kept the things that work for me. Now it's my individual ritual.
It doesn't matter who you are. I may be in a relationship with you, or submitted to you a few times, or it may be the first time I am submitting to you- I follow these steps, no matter what. I have to clear my head and stop all the activity. I'm an active person, just like most of us. At any given moment during the day, my mind is going in a million different directions. OK, when I get home I have to study for at least an hour.......Hmmm, what's for dinner?......Oh, I have to finish up laundry.....I LOVE her shoes!! I wonder where she bought them......What am I going to wear when I go out tomorrow?......I'm forgetting something...what am I forgetting?.....Dammit! Have to return tons of e-mails tonight....but first I have to get my notes ready for my meeting.....Christmas shopping! That's a must. Like I said, I wear many hats and I honestly never stop! I'm always on the go. There's no way I could go into a scene with all that on my mind. I have to actually stop and make an effort to clear my head. When I submit, that's my time to escape all the daily hassles.
Generally I'm given a few moments alone before a scene. I like that. But sometimes I don't have that luxury. I may have a long drive ahead of me and must gather myself before I arrive. Either way I focus on my breathing....if I'm in my car I put on some soothing music and push all those random thoughts away. Then I focus on the task at hand. I mean, I am a very giving person- but you have to be in a specific mindset in order to deal with a little bit of humiliation and objectification. (I said a little....I'm not HUGE on humiliation) I give myself a little pep talk on slutiness :) When I walk into a room as a submissive- I think of myself as pleasure personified!
Damn that's a lot of work! When I actually see all this written down- I wonder why I go through all the trouble when I can just have sex! Why take all these extra steps? But then I remember what it feels like when I'm in a scene- in that head space. I crave it. I yearn for it and will do anything I can to get there. It's powerful and addicting. It's magic I tell ya! Alright...step one: trust, step two: choose to submit, step three: clear the mind and prepare mentally. Now I'm ready for a scene! That's usually about the time I'm in the first stages of sub space. I'm relaxed and focused.
One reason I enjoy starting a scene in a certain position, such as kneeling, is because it helps me focus even more on the task at hand and reminds me of my "place". Gets me in the zone. Usually I'm asked to be in a position to where my back is to the door so I can't see when the Dom enters the room. I don't know if they do that as an intimidation factor or what :) But what it does is make me concentrate on them alone. I can't see them- one sense has been taken away which means my others are heightened. I concentrate more on sound and touch. I hear things I wouldn't normally hear- like pacing, fabric rubbing together with each step taken, my breathing, the deafening sound of silence. That is the most nerve wracking thing! The absence of sound. I start to feel eyes on me. I can't hear where my partner is, I don't know where in the room they are....but I FEEL their presence, FEEL their eyes on me. The slightest touch feels like I've been shocked. Every nerve ending is on fire. My senses are on overdrive.
Anyways, get the idea ;) heightened senses. That's the major thing I feel. That's what happens first. Then because my senses are so heightened, my focus is solely on my partner and what they are doing to me. Everything else melts away and all that exists is that moment. Me, my partner and the sensations I feel. Nothing else matters- it's almost as if time stands still. The only thoughts in my head are how badly I want to touch and be touched. I start thinking about all the ways I can please my partner. Also the need to feel my partners touch becomes unbearable. In some instances speech becomes very hard for me. Which I'm told is very frustrating. I don't know what happens. Of course- that's about the time my partner usually decides to ask me questions! "Where do you want me to touch you most of all right now?" Huh? Did you say something? Are you kidding me?! Everywhere! I don't care where- I just want your hands on my body! So I say something short and sweet- first thing that comes to mind..."everywhere"....."no, not specific enough". Jesus H. Christ! No blood going to my brain right now! What you want specifics? OK- a quarter of an inch below my right breast. COME ON!!! But I think of all the places I want to be touched- pull my hair, I want your hand around my throat, spank me, kiss me, touch my pussy! But I can't form the words- something short circuits in my brain.
Speech has completely left me. I'm only able to feel. My sense of touch has taken over. At that point, what might usually be painful is pleasurable. The endorphins are flying. Pain mixes with pleasure to become one. Every touch is pleasurable- just different intensities. That's usually the time where I want it to last forever. Time no longer exists. I just want it to go on and on and on and on.........Once all is said and done I feel at total peace. Utterly content. Did I do a good job of explaining? Hopefully I got my point across.
One last thing to cover....the term "slut". It's no secret that most Dom's use that term. Just as subs address Dom's as Sir or Master in some cases, Dom's address subs as slut or fuckslut or toy....the list goes on and on. Everyone asks me what I feel when I am addressed as "slut". Again, it's hard to explain. If someone were to just call me slut walking down the street, of course I'd have a problem with it! But while I am submitting- it takes on this new meaning. Plus, I see it as a title that I have earned. "WHAT! You've earned the "title" slut!?" Yep...let me explain. My submission is something I only give to those I respect and trust. People that I have opened up to and am willing to please. I don't go into every sexual situation as a submissive. So it's not something that everyone earns. When I think of the term "slut" in a BDSM sense- I think of it as a woman who will do anything to please her Dom. A woman that has pushed past her boundaries. A woman that has mad her Dom proud and content. So if someone chooses to address me as "slut"- I take it as a compliment.
BUT- I don't just let anyone call me slut. I have to actually BE a slut for you. If I'm not willing to do things for you- you better not call me slut! Or I'll slap you silly. This one is a little bit harder to explain. I think I will have to dedicate a post just to the term slut in the future. Until then, I'll explain it this way. One motto I have is: I'm NOT a slut! OK, but only for you I am. Like I said, I'll go into more detail later.
Anyways, I hope this post helped explain what goes through my head during a scene since I seem to not be able to talk and give feedback :)