I was wrong. I have no problem talking about sex. Rather, I've been in the kink scene so long that the way I talk about sex scares some away. I'm too open! Is there such a thing? Maybe...you tell me :) I recently had dinner with a gentleman that I met on the swinger site I'm on. He was asking about the kinks I'm into because he isn't familiar with BDSM. So I told him that I really enjoy the mental aspects of D/s and I'm not huge on pain. "Oh, so you don't like being choked or having marks left or anything. Nothing extreme?" That's about the time I forgot who I was talking to. I went on to explain, "well I actually do like being choked, lightly. I also like to be spanked and enjoy sitting on a sore ass the next day. I love my neck being bitten and my back scratched while I'm fucked- hard! I like to be held down or restrained and just generally man handled." After my long and involved answer, I look over at my dinner date and his eyes are as big as saucers. I could see the gears turning, he was thinking "WTF have I gotten myself into?!" Oopsie! I forgot you're not kinky. Go ahead, run in fear.
That made me realize that maybe I'm a little too vocal about sex. But I can't help it! Being a single female in the swinger scene is like going into a bakery filled with forbidden pastries! They have a term for single females in the swinger lifestyle. They call us unicorns because we are so rare, some wonder if we even exist. Apparently there are not many single females out there willing to play with couples. Most women in the lifestyle are part of a couple. So being a new single female in the swinger scene.....holy shit!!!! Take cover! I have offers coming at me from every direction. I've only been on this particular site for 2 months and I already have a freakin list of people that want to play. Those are just the ones that interest me. That's not counting all the others that I've turned down!
To be completely honest, if I wanted to go out every single night with someone new I wouldn't have a problem finding a volunteer to take me out. It wouldn't be just hanging out either! These people pay for dinner and drinks. Book hotel rooms, buy tickets to shows. What?! It's a free loaders dream :p But I'm not the type that expects that type of treatment. I have no problem paying for things. So that part makes me a little uncomfortable. But it is what it is. Even when you go to a party, single females get in free. Couples and single males (if they are allowed) have to pay. Single males are not given the time of day by a lot of swingers, but single females are a treasure. How horrible! One party- single males had to pay $80.00 and couples had to pay $60.00 while single females got in free. FREE!!! They even sent out an e-mail "hey! 2 single females have RSVP'd to the party. Come and join us for some fun!" Fuck!! Two single women at a swinger party filled with couples and males? Run! Run ladies!!! You're going to have a stampede running after you the minute you walk in the door!
Now that I've explained that, you can better understand how single females are viewed- we're gold! So you can imagine the e-mails I get from people. It's died down a bit, but when I first joined- Jesus Christ! I still get a few a day on average. But not the 10 I used to. So essentially single females call the shots. We are rare and wanted. (Just as I'm writing this I have three people texting me asking me to get together.) We basically pick and choose who we want to meet. A girls dream right? I have to keep my hormones in check! I could get carried away ;) No I'm kidding. Not about getting carried away. I could! I just mean that random encounters don't do anything for me so I'm very picky about who I meet.
I swear deep down inside me is a raging hormonal, horny teenage boy! I open my inbox and instantly I have a pseudo boner! They're pictures of pecs staring back at me. Biceps, hot asses in pants, gorgeous faces! I'm like a kid in a candy store! "Candy!!!! I want that one and that one and that....fuck it! Just give me one of everything in the store!"
If that isn't enough- you go into their profiles and you find pics of their cocks! "Lollipop, lollipop oh lolli, lolli, lolli!!! Pop!" It's See's Candy! They have every flavor! Coffee, dulce de leche, chocolate, vanilla....fuck that shit! I don't do vanilla. Whoever said women don't like porn or pics were fucking liars! That's the thing that makes me just want to give in and take a bite! I start thinking it's the best of both worlds! I find this person hot as hell and they think I'm hot. I can fuck them....and I don't have to date them?! I don't have to come home to a house where dirty socks are laying around and argue about random shit that doesn't even mater?! Fuck yeah! Jackpot!!! Then my conscience comes and grabs the little kid in the candy store in my mind and drags her out kicking and screaming- "No! Please!! I want candy! Just one piece!! OK then just a lick!"
How the hell did I get so off topic? All this talk of cocks...I mean candy has distracted me! Where was I going with all this? Oh yeah! When J, my friend, first told me to join a swinger site I thought he was crazy. Then after I joined and started receiving messages from people, I thought he was really crazy! I thought this is not going to work out. This is not my scene. These people are too casual and besides, I don't even like sex unless kink is involved. Right? The answer? I recently found out- fuck no! I like sex! I like sex just for the sake of sex! Sex, m'kay? Love it! Do I need kink? No. Does it get me off even better that just sex? Hell yes! But I don't need kink. Sex is enjoyable enough as it is.
There was only one way to test the theory of whether I enjoyed sex without kink. I had to go out and have sex- so I did! I met up with a single male that I had lunch with a few weeks back. I was nervous as hell. I've never met up with someone and my whole purpose behind meeting them is to have sex! Kinda nerve wracking. You walk into the hotel room "hey. We uh, making small talk or do we just go at it like rabbits?" Don't make fun! I don't know how these things work! I'm new :p I'm not sharing the details of what actually happened. I'm keeping that to myself :) But after the deed is done, it's awkward yet again. You get dressed and you don't know what to say. You walk out of the room...on your way to your car. Then the moment comes "ok, I parked that way." You go your separate ways. But before you go you don't know how to say goodbye. Um, do I give you a hug? A kiss? What? You just had your cock inside me, so I'd think a hug is fine. Is there some secret handshake? Or do you do the man hug thing with a butt slap, "good game!" High five? Low five? I'm confused!
After that particular encounter I realized just how much I have to learn about this so called "lifestyle". I enjoyed it but I felt like a complete idiot after! THEN, I wonder ok, well it's just sex. So do I text and just say I had fun? Or do I just leave him alone until I want to meet up again? Or do I check in as if we are friends from time to time? WTF! I need a handbook. For being so simple, this sure is complicated! My nerves got the better of me and I thought that maybe this swinger thing wasn't for me. I mean I had a great time, but I was just so confused.
Just recently I played with a couple. When I first opened up to the idea of swinging I was not into couples. I didn't want to have to deal with drama or women that were only doing it because their husband was into it. Luckily I ended up playing with the perfect couple! I had met them before. J kinda introduced us to each other. So I was familiar with them. That put me at ease. Again, not sharing details. But after we played, I knew then and there that I had found my place. I was sitting on their bed, naked, drinking wine and eating dinner and I didn't have a care in the world! I've found my people!!! Finally!
I realized that when I started exploring with BDSM- the reason behind it was that I was looking for sex positive individuals. Yes I happen to love being dominated. But the true reason I branched out and started exploring was because I wanted to find open minded individuals that enjoyed sex as much as I do. I grew up in this conservative family, pushing my desires down because I was told they were evil. But in my mind I've always viewed sexuality as natural and wonderful. I don't think it's something we should have to feel guilty about or hide. Now I can actually be open and be myself. Ive found others like me. I'm enjoying the hell out of myself!!